"Kim Jong Un is missing. Nobody's seen evil North Korean
dictator Kim Jong Un for about a month now. And his daughter, Kim Kardashi Un,
is worried sick." –David Letterman
"Today is the 10th anniversary of when Martha Stewart had to
go to the penitentiary. Martha was in a minimum security facility, like the
White House." –David Letterman
"This weekend a man in Oregon who is an advocate for the
open carry of firearms was robbed at gunpoint. The thief apparently made off
with the man's entire argument." –Seth Meyers
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