"Today Russia announced that it will join America's fight
with the terror group ISIS. Then Putin said, 'But I did not say which
side.'" –Jimmy Fallon
"Congratulations to India. They were able to keep the
mission's costs down by outsourcing all of the work to themselves. And who
knows, if it keeps going, in a few years, maybe we'll have the first call
center on Mars." –Jimmy Kimmel
"They've had security problems at the White House. Last
weekend a couple of guys hopped the fence and ran in. One guy got all the way
in and made himself a sandwich." –David Letterman
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