"On Saturday the San Francisco Giants beat the Nationals
in Washington in 18 innings. It was the longest postseason game in baseball
history — proving that even in sports, it takes forever to get something done
in Washington." –Jimmy Fallon
"Evil Russian dictator Vladimir Putin has been nominated
for the Nobel Peace Prize. He will not be able to attend the ceremony. That
week he will be invading Poland. " –David Letterman
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