That's like claiming you lost your virginity because you found a Playboy in the woods (T.J. Hooker himself)

October 2021

“Blue Origin, the company founded by Jeff Bezos, prime-delivered their second group of civilian passengers into space and back today. And guess who’s in that rocket? T.J. Hooker himself, William Shatner.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“But, yeah, oldest person ever to go to space, which is amazing. Like, I don’t know about you, but I love it when old people break records, you know? That is why so many people support Tom Brady. I mean, your grandpa can’t throw like that.” —Trevor Noah

“But he made it back alive, Bill did — thank God. Can you imagine if Jeff Bezos killed Captain Kirk, then turned to camera and started speaking Klingon to everyone? I wouldn’t be the least bit shocked.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“William Shatner, who for four decades played the leader of the USS Enterprise on the beloved sci-fi series, was handpicked by Amazon and Blue Origin founder Jeff Bezos to make the 11-minute trip into the atmosphere from the west Texas desert. The crew reached a maximum altitude of 66.5 miles, beyond the 100km (62-mile) Kármán Line recognized internationally as the boundary of space. Given that the mission resulted in just four minutes of weightlessness, calling them astronauts is like claiming you lost your virginity because you found a Playboy in the woods. It doesn’t count.” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

We report. You just died (they keep it in the top drawer of a bedside table)

July 2021

“Today millions of people all over the world looked up at Bezos’ space ship and said, ‘Wow, that thing sure looks like a penis.’” —Anthony Anderson

“They designed the Bezos rocket ship at the Johnson Space Center.” —Tariq Trotter

“They don’t keep it in a hangar, they keep it in the top drawer of a bedside table.” —Tariq Trotter

“I’m not sure what they used to fuel the rocket, but based on the design, I’m gonna say 2D batteries.” —Seth Meyers

“There have been a lot of stories lately about the anti-vax propaganda on Fox News, after one former executive told the New York Times that the network has ‘contributed substantially and directly’ to the ‘unnecessary deaths of many Americans by fueling hesitation and doubt’ about the safety of vaccines. Well, it’s no surprise. It’s right there in Fox News’s slogan: ‘We report. You just died.’” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s funny because he doesn’t pay taxes, or his employees (talk show hosts don’t anchor historic events)

July 2021

“Jeff Bezos went to space. So happy you could all join us tonight for a momentous day in the history of some people having way too much money.” —Stephen Colbert

“Here’s how I know it’s not important — I hosted the last one of these, OK? For Richard Branson. Lot of fun, but talk show hosts don’t anchor historic events — except, of course, when Arsenio Hall interviewed the Berlin Wall.” —Stephen Colbert

“Bezos wore a giant cowboy hat during his press conference. A cowboy hat? So he went into space and somehow became extra divorced.” —Stephen Colbert

“I guess it’s true what they say, billionaires and their rockets end up looking just like each other.” —Stephen Colbert

“Bezos said, ‘I want to thank every Amazon employee, and every Amazon customer, because you guys paid for all this’. It’s funny because he doesn’t pay taxes, or his employees.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Hunter Biden watching his father fire staffers for past marijuana use (four minutes)

July 2021

“That’s right, Richard Branson beat Jeff Bezos to space. That’s why Branson got home and found a little flaming Amazon package on his front porch.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Branson’s trip to space only lasted about four minutes, which is honestly pretty good for a virgin.” —Jimmy Fallon

“That’s right, the flight went more than 50 miles high to the edge of space. Southwest heard and was like, ‘Big deal. We did that last week when one of our pilots fell asleep.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“Eighty kilometers? That’s not even worth mentioning at a party.” —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It always warms my heart to see billionaires achieve their dreams (202024 Hours to Go)

July 2021

“Billionaire Richard Branson’s went into space over the weekend with his company Virgin Galactic, the first in a series of planned trips by billionaire entrepreneurs. You know these are crazy times when it’s safer flying to space than going on a Carnival Cruise, don’t you think?” —Jimmy Fallon

“That’s right, Virgin Galactic made history by launching the first goatee into space.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Yeah, Branson went with two pilots and three of his employees. So if you think it’s awkward riding an elevator with your boss, try going to space.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Actually, I got a little choked up watching Richard Branson’s flight. It always warms my heart to see billionaires achieve their dreams.” —Jimmy Fallon

“I was happy for him, though. Normally when a billionaire flies away faster than the speed of sound, it’s because they just got linked to Jeffrey Epstein.” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Bill Hicks - It's Just A Ride

A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984. http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

JOKES: Bush said he wants to try and bring democracy to outer space

"In an interview in People magazine, Barack Obama said he was more a fan of Sonny and Cher than he was a fan of Donny and Marie. Well, that should answer the question of whether he's black enough." --Jay Leno

"And I guess you heard the U.S. military is going to shoot down that satellite that's falling to Earth. See, I knew this would happen. I knew it was just a matter of time before President Bush did a preemptive strike on ourselves. Do you know his rationale for shooting down the satellite? He said he wants to try and bring democracy to outer space." --Jay Leno

"Did you see Roger Clemens testifying this week before Congress? One congressman named Elijah Cummings called Clemens, "One of my heroes," and then called him a liar. So, I guess that's what makes you a hero to a congressman pretty much." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

threats to U.S. cybersecurity such as Russia, China, and her (forgot he was up there)

The Boston Globe just reported that according to his campaign staff, Donald Trump wouldn't take any vacations as president. I think that's because he has offended so many other countries he can't leave this one. –Jimmy Fallon

Astronaut Jeffrey Williams just set the U.S. record for most days in space, reaching the milestone of 521 days. It's less of an accomplishment after NASA admitted they sort of forgot he was up there. –Jimmy Fallon

On Saturday, Hillary Clinton will receive her first official intelligence briefing as a candidate. Officials plan to tell Hillary about threats to U.S. cybersecurity such as Russia, China, and her. –Conan O’Brien