So congrats on soiling yourself into power (Well played, Canada)

October 2013

"Congress this week failed to agree on a budget deal, which led to a government shutdown, the first since 1995. So basically, the government shuts down every time Arsenio Hall gets a TV show." –Seth Meyers on Saturday Night Live's Weekend Update

"Because of the government shutdown, the U.S. Air Force Academy in Colorado is facing a toilet paper shortage. Giving new meaning to the phrase 'you've got a bogie on your tail." –Seth Meyers

"Loser: John Boehner. I feel sorry for you buddy. It's exhausting watching you try maintain your dignity wrangling those Tea Party maniacs. You're like 'Seinfeld' if there were 30 Kramers." -Seth Meyers

"Winner: the Tea Party. It's always nice to see a vocal minority get their way. You're like the naked lunatic that gets his own subway car. So congrats on soiling yourself into power." -Cecily Strong

"Loser: GOP. A new Fox News poll shows that disapproval of the Republican Party during the shutdown has jumped to 59 percent. And that's a Fox News poll. Talk about getting booed on your home field. By the way, if Fox News says it's 59 percent, that's like the real news saying it's 3,000 percent." -Seth Meyers

"Loser, the Obamacare website, which had technical issues all week because of too much web traffic. You can't campaign on the fact that millions don't have health care and then be surprised that millions don't have health care. How could you not be ready? That's like 1-800-Flowers getting caught off guard by Valentine's Day." -Cecily Strong

"Winner: Canada. Senator Ted Cruz was born in Canada, so while we were worried about Iran, China, and North Korea, a Canadian shut down the U.S. Government. Well played, Canada." -Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Why does America need unions? (that’s a joke, pay your taxes)

September 2013

"As of now we still don’t know whether Congress is going to vote to shut down the government. However, it looks like they still might burn it down for the insurance money." –Arsenio Hall

"All this drama is very confusing to all the hookers in D.C. They don’t know whether they have to go to work tomorrow either." –Arsenio Hall

"Now, I’m not sure how politics works, but I’m pretty sure if the government shuts down it means that we don’t have to pay taxes. I’m just kidding, Wesley Snipes … that’s a joke … pay your taxes." –Arsenio Hall

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s funny because he doesn’t pay taxes, or his employees (talk show hosts don’t anchor historic events)

July 2021

“Jeff Bezos went to space. So happy you could all join us tonight for a momentous day in the history of some people having way too much money.” —Stephen Colbert

“Here’s how I know it’s not important — I hosted the last one of these, OK? For Richard Branson. Lot of fun, but talk show hosts don’t anchor historic events — except, of course, when Arsenio Hall interviewed the Berlin Wall.” —Stephen Colbert

“Bezos wore a giant cowboy hat during his press conference. A cowboy hat? So he went into space and somehow became extra divorced.” —Stephen Colbert

“I guess it’s true what they say, billionaires and their rockets end up looking just like each other.” —Stephen Colbert

“Bezos said, ‘I want to thank every Amazon employee, and every Amazon customer, because you guys paid for all this’. It’s funny because he doesn’t pay taxes, or his employees.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I'm going as Congress

"Republicans were hoping John McCain would help them get their way on the spending bill — because if there's anyone who can beat Barack Obama, it's the guy who lost to Barack Obama." –Jimmy Fallon



"A new survey says one in three adults will be dressing up for Halloween. As for me, I'm not going to do anything. I'm going as Congress." –Craig Ferguson

"Congress this week failed to agree on a budget deal, which led to a government shutdown, the first since 1995. So basically, the government shuts down every time Arsenio Hall gets a TV show." –Seth Meyers on Saturday Night Live's Weekend Update