He got on the wrong bus, and ended up taking a gambling junket to Atlantic City (I lent it to Lindsay Graham)

"They're talking about a re-vote primary where people would mail in their ballots. That's a great idea, combining the reliability of the people in Florida who count the ballots with the efficiency of the Post Office. What could go wrong there?" --Jay Leno

Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama had another big debate last night. It was good. And Clinton accused Obama of plagiarism. Obama denied that what he did was plagiarism. You know, look, I don't want to comment on that. But you've gotta admit, wouldn't it be great to one day have a president that could pronounce words like 'plagiarism'?" --Jay Leno

"Florida officials are still in a panic over yesterday's big power outage. You hear about that? A huge power outage. They were on the phone today with President Bush saying, 'We know it wasn't supposed to happen until Election Day. We don't know what happened. It was premature.'" --Jay Leno

"I don't want to say John McCain is old, but yesterday he got on the wrong bus, and ended up taking a gambling junket to Atlantic City." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The fear of losing the scraps they throw at you (I think we owe Michael an apology)

 

"A new National Geographic study says that less than four out of ten students can find Iraq on a map. See, President Bush has the opposite problem -- he can't find his way out of Iraq." –Jay Leno

"See all those people on the news walking around wearing those surgical masks, huh? For the swine flu. Suddenly Michael Jackson is not so crazy, huh? Yeah! I think we owe Michael an apology." --Jay Leno

"Four bucks a gallon they say by summer. I hear a lot of people say they'll stop driving. Unfortunately, it's not Lindsay Lohan or Britney." --Jay Leno

 

"Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger is in a little trouble this week, little trouble for saying marijuana is not a drug, it is a leaf, it is a plant. He said marijuana is not a drug and today his approval rating in California, 99.99%." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

They finally get a Republican to wear a mask and that’s how it goes (I just assumed I was going to jail)

April 2022

“Rudy Giuliani appeared on Wednesday night’s episode of Fox’s Masked Singer, belting out a rendition of Bad to the Bone. They finally get a Republican to wear a mask and that’s how it goes.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“You know, it actually takes talent not to hit any notes.” —Jimmy Fallon

“There is a good chance Rudy genuinely did not know where he was, and was just as surprised as everyone else when they opened that box. He was probably thrilled, by the way: [Imitating Giuliani] ‘A singing competition? I just assumed I was going to jail.’” —Seth Meyers

“Yeah, Rudy Giuliani just got voted off ‘The Masked Singer,’ which means he is about to spend the next five years claiming that he actually won ‘The Masked Singer.’” —Trevor Noah

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Giving thanks, to our vets in the 500 year war against colonialism (Critical Face Theory)

April 2022

“President Biden today attended the White House Easter egg roll. However, due to inflation, the kids all had to share one egg.” —Seth Meyers

“Governor Ron DeSantis, of course, praised the decision on mask mandates. He tweeted it was ‘great to see a federal judge in Florida follow the law and reject the Biden transportation mask mandate,’ or as he calls it, ‘Critical Face Theory.’” —Jimmy Kimmel

“All the major airlines have already updated their policy on face coverings. Delta, American, United, Southwest, JetBlue, Frontier and Spirit announced they will no longer require passengers to wear a mask. Spirit Airlines actually never had an official mask requirement because they don’t have windows on the plane.” —Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Last year, we got 1,200 bucks; this year, cloth and a rubber band (What the hell, Supremes?)

January 2022

“President Biden had a bad day. You know that vaccine mandate he rolled out last year? The one that required companies with more than 100 employees to get their workers vaccinated or tested regularly? Well, that was struck down by the Supreme Court today. The conservative majority ruled that Biden’s mandate went too far, and our individual right to get Covid from the worst person at work has been preserved.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“What the hell, Supremes? What — what do you know about large employers? You’re a small business with nine workers whose dress code is ankle-length Hefty bag.” —Stephen Colbert

“In an unsigned opinion, the conservative majority argued: ‘Although Congress has indisputably given Osha [Occupational Safety and Health Administration] the power to regulate occupational dangers it has not given that agency the power to regulate public health more broadly.’ But Covid is an occupational danger! Why do you think everyone who can is working from home? You think it’s because they want to see their spouse yell at the Roomba again?” —Stephen Colbert

“Well, guys, big news from Washington today as President Biden finally delivered a major update on his administration’s Covid response. Yeah, just like most phone updates, Biden kept hitting ‘ignore’ until he had no choice.” —Jimmy Fallon

“That’s right, we’re all getting masks. Last year, we got 1,200 bucks; this year, cloth and a rubber band.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Yeah, the N95 masks should be helpful. Unfortunately, out of habit, whenever somebody says, ‘N95,’ Biden calls out, ‘Bingo.’” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Look, we both know you’re not going to do it (tan lines)

April 2021

“I’ve got to be honest: I’m going to miss wearing a mask. The adult acne made me feel young, you know?” —Jimmy Fallon

“Aw, yeah! Take it off, baby! Take off your mask. Show daddy them nostrils!”—Stephen Colbert

“That’s good news. Where are we on pants; are those still required?” —Jimmy Kimmel

“This is great news for people who love fresh air, but a little late for those who already have the tan lines.” —Stephen Colbert

“Now we can go back to the good old days of giving each other dirty looks because of racism, classism, sexism, ableism, homophobia, and those people who wear Adidas pants with Nike shoes.” —Trevor Noah

“The CDC chart ranks activities from safest to less safe to least safe. It’s the same chart people use when deciding between Delta, United and Spirit Airlines.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Because what better way to get people to remember something than a 14-row, three-column, color-coded document with loads of text?” —James Corden

“I love, as well, if you look, exercise class is the last thing on the list. It’s even like the list is going, ‘Look, we both know you’re not going to do it.’” —James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Yeah, he was the problem (which is just not in his skillset)

July 2020

“Given that the country is currently on fire after a once-in-a-century cataclysm inflamed by the president’s cruelty and incompetence, he’s had some trouble coming up with a solid re-election message. It’s never a great sign when your own campaign manager is advertising face masks with your name on them. Trump may have hyped his campaign during another press conference this week, in which he fired Parscale, but generally speaking, things are not going great when you’re firing your campaign manager 100 days before the election. That’s like a jockey jumping off his horse in the home stretch and deciding to run the rest of the way. Trump’s campaign is sputtering because the coronavirus crisis isn’t a problem Trump can just BS his way out of. It’s a real thing, with real consequences, and the only way to make those go away is by governing, which is just not in his skillset.” —Seth Meyers

“Meanwhile, everyone else in the campaign is thinking, ‘Yeah, he was the problem.’” —Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

They could save lives and, more importantly, let people know what happens when they’re all out of trucks (Oligarch Chess)

July 2020

“As Covid-19 cases rise across the country, many states are also fighting another tragic medical condition known as being a fucking idiot. Many people on the right claim that wearing masks is a violation of their constitutional freedom, and some men feel that wearing them is emasculating and a sign of weakness. 

In fact, men are less likely to wear masks than women, leading some to view them as the condom of the face – which makes sense, because the ones I use glow in the dark and feature an off-brand Bart Simpson. 

The situation is especially tragic as masks, or the refusal thereof, have been twisted into a culture war by Trump and other Republican politicians who have pointedly refused to wear masks in public despite direct guidance from federal public health agencies. Masks should not be a culture war. 

It would be great if we could just get conservatives to wear masks that say shit like ‘my other mask is a gun,’ or ‘I drive trucks and eat ass and I’m all out of trucks.’ They could save lives and, more importantly, let people know what happens when they’re all out of trucks.” —Samantha Bee

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”