I never treated her any differently than I did President Obama (everyone is thinking about their Gonzagas)

Indiana mayor and Democratic presidential hopeful Pete Buttigieg has announced his campaign has raised $7 million in the last three months. But unfortunately, he's just going to use the money to buy more vowels. --Seth Meyers

Nevada politician Lucy Flores has published an article accusing former Vice President Joe Biden of inappropriately touching her, smelling her hair, and kissing the back of her head during a 2014 campaign event. Said Biden, "I never treated her any differently than I did President Obama." --Seth Meyers

A new alarm-clock app has launched that wakes users up with unconventional sounds like shattering glass, gunshots, and women screaming. Unfortunately, everyone in New York has learned to sleep through it. --Seth Meyers

The NCAA tournament continues, and according to a new study, the tournament leads to a 30% increase in vasectomies. Apparently men schedule the procedure so that they can recover while watching basketball. It is the one time of the year that everyone is thinking about their Gonzagas. --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”