Then things got really ugly when... (I had no idea the Pope even had a hot tub)

August 2011

"Several Fox News hosts criticized 'Spongebob Squarepants' for pushing a global warming agenda. Then things got really ugly when they demanded to see 'Dora the Explorer's' immigration papers." –Conan O'Brien

"The whole 4th season of 'Jersey Shore' takes place in Italy. I had no idea the Pope even had a hot tub." –Conan O'Brien

"It is completely inappropriate for the president to turn a year older when the nation is in crisis." –Stephen Colbert

"I say we live our lives the way our founding fathers intended: four-feet tall, crippled with rickets until we die of old age at 28." –Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Oh, God. The caravan is coming from inside the House! (just as loud and just as orange)

But it was an historic night. Trump gave his speech in front of the most diverse Congress ever. It was so diverse, Trump was like, "Oh, God. The caravan is coming from inside the House!" --Jimmy Fallon

Actually, some of the channels that didn't air the speech released statements explaining their decision. For example, HGTV released a statement saying, "We didn't air the President's address because we already know how to build walls." Up next, Bravo. They said they didn't air the address because even the Real Housewives think that's too much drama. The History Channel said, "We didn't air it because we aired something more factual -- 'Ancient Aliens.'" Nickelodeon said, "We didn't air the President's address because we oppose his position on immigration. We stand with Dora." And finally MTV said, "We didn't air the President's address, but we did air a 'Jersey Shore' marathon, which is just as loud and just as orange." --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I'm also a war hero with a 32-inch waist who enjoys reading and helping poor people (sippy cups)

I appreciate by the way all of you putting on such a brave face when you I'm sure know that we're only days away from being overtaken by a migrant caravan I mean they are beating this story like Whitey Bulger in prison. I mean every day it gets worse. Trump is like a racist Paul Revere. You know the migrants are coming the migrants are coming! I don't get this? The migrants are the ones living off Mexican food and we're the ones shi**ing in our pants. He keeps calling it an invasion. Yes, an invasion of strollers. Yes the great invaders of history. Attila the Hun, Ivan the Terrible, and Dora the Explorer. Every day Fox News treats us like it's the Zombie Apocalypse. But zombies eat brains. Why would they be heading toward America? Trump is sending troops to stare down the people with sippy cups. --Bill Maher

You’ve got to give it at Donald Trump he sticks to the message. He said the other day that the caravan is a lot bigger than people think and then I swear to god I'm not making up, he said “I'm pretty good at estimating crowd size.” Next to modesty it's one of my greatest gifts. I'm also a war hero with a 32-inch waist who enjoys reading and helping poor people. No Trump, get this guy, he keeps complaining that the mail bomber and the synagogue shooter have hurt his election momentum. That's his gripe. These real attacks are taking attention away from my made-up attacks. How's a guy supposed to stir up hatred for Democrats and Jews when all the media reports on is attacks on Democrats and Jews. --Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

what if the wall doesn't keep anyone out but just traps us IN? (I don't know son, we are republicans)

This weekend was the start of Hispanic Heritage Month. And today, President Trump hosted an event at the White House to celebrate. He was like, "It's important to recognize this country's great Hispanic people. Dora the Explorer. And that hot chick from 'Modern Family.'" --Jimmy Fallon

Trump was at an event celebrating Hispanic heritage. And this is nice — he even brought along Jeff Sessions to be the piñata. --Jimmy Fallon

We'll know Coke is selling pot soda when the president sends a tweet that says, "Wait, what if the wall doesn't keep anyone out but just traps us IN?" --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Wow, when that guy takes out his junk – he really takes out ALL of his junk (I know you’re all stunned)

Yesterday President Trump’s lawyer Michael Cohen, known for paying hush money for his clients, revealed that he has ANOTHER client, Sean Hannity. Today, Hannity said, “I know you’re all stunned.” Then everyone was like, “Not really!” --Jimmy Fallon

Hannity's been going on TV to defend President Trump without revealing that he and Trump have the same lawyer. Which is like Dora the Explorer going on TV to defend backpacks, without revealing that her best friend is a talking backpack. --Jimmy Fallon

 An official in Japan was arrested yesterday for taking out his garbage in the nude. Wow, when that guy takes out his junk – he really takes out ALL of his junk. --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.

The study was paid for by guys who want to watch porn

A fistfight broke out at a Trump rally yesterday. Or, more accurately, a Trump rally broke out during a fistfight. –Conan O’Brien

A 700-pound woman is trying to hit 1,000 pounds to reach her goal of becoming the World’s Fattest Woman. Although, she still plans to put “700 pounds” on her Tinder profile. –Conan O’Brien

A new study came out and it claims that women would be better off going to bed two hours before men. The study was paid for by guys who want to watch porn. –Conan O’Brien

Donald Trump will be going on the Dr. Oz show to discuss his health. He will then discuss his immigration plan with Dora the Explorer. –Conan O’Brien

Fox News takes on Spongebob Squarepants!

"I was watching Fox News today. I lost a bet." –David Letterman 

"Several Fox News hosts criticized 'Spongebob Squarepants' for pushing a global warming agenda. Then things got really ugly when they demanded to see 'Dora the Explorer's' immigration papers." –Conan O'Brien