It’s all good. Taste the rainbow (full body orgasms)

October 2021

This week former White House, I wanna say, garbage man Steve Bannon was held in contempt of congress. But this is what Bannon wants. It plays into his whole persecuted messiah complex. So Bannon is similar to Jesus in that he looks like he’s been dead for three days. —Colin Jost

The FDA authorized the mixing and matching of booster shots and vaccines. As we enter the just winging it phase of the pandemic. Seriously, when it comes to medication, when has your doctor ever said just mix and match. It’s all good. Taste the rainbow. —Colin Jost

In the latest episode of Gwyneth Paltrow’s new Netflix show “Sex, Love and Goop,” a sexologist explained how people can experience full body orgasms, while clothed, without touching. Which also happens when your mom watches Bridgerton. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The service took forever, I was there for 25 years (Slam! Slam! Slam! Slam!)

April 2013

"Today Jason Collins, center for the Washington Wizards, announced he is gay. He said, 'I don't know what's been tougher on my family, announcing I'm gay or announcing that I play for the Washington Wizards.'" –Conan O'Brien

"There's a trend now of prison inmates reviewing their prison on Yelp. The downside is that people are now committing crimes just to get the amazing fish tacos at Rikers Island." –Conan O’Brien

"Congratulations to Gwyneth Paltrow. She's the most beautiful woman alive, according to People magazine. I thought to myself, 'Wow. Thank god, finally some hope for good-looking, thin blondes.' Gwyneth, by the way, still has to be confirmed by Congress." –David Letterman

"They are now reviewing prisons on Yelp. Although you do get your standard restaurant gripes, like 'service took forever, was there for 25 years." –Stephen Colbert

"We all know that if you look up Congress in the dictionary it says, Do-nothing f**ktards who couldn’t solve a problem if it was eating them alive anus first." –Jon Stewart

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s extremely hard to ski straight when you are kegeling a jade egg (I don’t know how that guy could run with testicles that big)

A 72 year old man is suing Gwyneth Paltrow for knocking him unconscious and breaking his ribs in a skiing accident at a Utah ski resort in 2016. The man is now seeking more than $3.1 Million -- or two items on GOOP. Even if true, you have to cut Gwyneth a break here. It’s extremely hard to ski straight when you are kegeling a jade egg. --Stephen Colbert

Governor Ralph Northam is now denying it was him in the photo wearing blackface. But Northam admitted to once appearing in blackface as Michael Jackson. Never a good sign when there’s a story about you and Michael Jackson, and you’re the creepy one. --Stephen Colbert

A Colorado runner was attacked by a mountain lion. But he fought back and killed the lion with his bare hands. Wow! I don’t know how that guy could run with testicles that big. --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Celebrities Read Mean Tweets #8

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

That was a long three seconds

Apparently, Trump is trying to win the women's vote by marrying them all. If they get elected both the first and second lady will be the third lady. –Stephen Colbert

It's no secret that I'm fascinated by Gwyneth Paltrow. Not as fascinated as she is, but still. Pretty fascinated. I especially love her lifestyle website Goop, your number one source for $5,000 juicers. –Stephen Colbert

MSNBC had a countdown clock to the meeting this morning where no cameras were allowed and after which we learned nothing. “Jim, can we put up my countdown clock of how much longer we all have to pretend this was news?” That was a long three seconds. –Stephen Colbert