“Every time he mocks other people, it’s like a pain that’s inside of him that he’s trying to project onto others. It’s almost like he’s taking notes during his fights with Melania.” --Trevor Noah
In response to the French taxes, Trump is now threatening to tax all the most cliched French goods like wine, cheese and handbags. He was probably also going to tax French fries and mistresses, but that hit too close to home. --Trevor Noah
Meanwhile, the House released its report based on the impeachment hearings, which revealed that according to phone records, the House intelligence committee member and notorious Trump loyalist Devin Nunes had multiple conversations with Lev Parnas, one of Rudy Giuliani’s Ukrainian associates recently indicted for campaign finance violations. Nunes did not disclose the conversations to the committee nor recuse himself from the investigation; the revelation is like if we found out Judge Ito used to crash on OJ’s couch or something. --Jimmy Kimmel
“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic.
A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

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