I'd buy you a drink, but you'd probably spill that, too (a Hummer limo powered by baby seals)

"Tony Hayward didn't take any questions after his White House meeting today. Probably a good thing. He's great at destroying ecosystems, but not so great at talking. Hayward has said: 'No one wants this thing over more than I do. I'd like my life back.' Tony, I'm so sorry you had your summer disrupted. I'd buy you a drink, but you'd probably spill that, too. And make me clean it up." –Craig Ferguson

"Barack Obama is not the only one on the hot seat right now. The CEO of BP is taking a lot of flak. His name is Tony Hayward. Today, President Obama had a meeting with Hayward at the White House. It got off to the wrong start. Hayward arrived in a Hummer limo powered by baby seals." –Craig Ferguson

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You know you're in pretty bad shape when you can't even give away a Hummer (And that's just the medicine cabinet)

"It's a bad day for General Motors. They're shutting down the Hummer. The Chinese were going to buy it, but after careful consideration, the Chinese decided they don't want it. You know you're in pretty bad shape when you can't even give away a Hummer." –Craig Ferguson

"Did you hear that Rush Limbaugh's Manhattan penthouse is on the market for $14 million? It's an amazing property. Over 4,000 square feet. And that's just the medicine cabinet." –Craig Ferguson

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You realize you're exhausted from watching other men play sports? (It's like we're all married to Kevin Federline)

Did you see that baseball game last night? 14 innings. It was the

second-longest game in World Series history, it was brutal. I'm

exhausted. My wife said to me this morning, “You realize you're

exhausted from watching other men play sports?”

–Jimmy Kimmel

"Here's a good reason to drink, Congress has approved a new ceiling

for the national debt. They had to, because the current national debt

was starting to go so high that it was going to go past the legal limit,

so they just raised it. And our new national debt is $9 trillion, not

million, not billion. To put $9 trillion in perspective, that is more

than Oprah makes in a week. It works out to about $30,000 in debt

to every single American, including kids. In other words, the

government has borrowed $30,000 from each of us and blown it

all on Hummers and grenade launchers. It's like we're all married

to Kevin Federline." --Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Eliot Spitzer may be in the market for a Hummer (He and I have that in common)

 

"Last night was President Bush's last State of the Union address. He said what he'll miss most about the State of the Union address are the fake standing ovations. He and I have that in common." --David Letterman

 

"Monday is President's Day and former President Bill Clinton is very excited. He is taking George Bush, Sr. to 'Hooters'. George H.W. Bush and Bill Clinton have been spending more and more time together. Doesn't that seem like an unusual couple to you, honestly? Earlier today they went to go see that gay cowboy movie." --David Letterman

"Dick Cheney is on vacation. He's out in Jackson Hole, Wyoming, and so far he has shot two skiers." --David Letterman

"This weekend the annual auto show begins. The New York City Auto Show. It's going to be a great affair. I hear former Governor Eliot Spitzer may be in the market for a Hummer." --David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

a Cadillac GTS, a Lexus, ten Rascal scooters and a hearse (It's like we're all married to Kevin Federline)

"This is interesting, according to vehicle registration records, John and Cindy McCain own 13 cars and Barack and Michelle Obama only have one car. They have one car, and the McCains have 13. Which, to be fair, is like only one for each house. But the Obamas share a Ford Escape Hybrid. And the McCains have a Cadillac GTS, a Lexus, ten Rascal scooters and a hearse." --Jimmy Kimmel

"Here's a good reason to drink, Congress has approved a new ceiling for the national debt. They had to, because the current national debt was starting to go so high that it was going to go past the legal limit, so they just raised it. And our new national debt is $9 trillion, not million, not billion. To put $9 trillion in perspective, that is more than Oprah makes in a week. It works out to about $30,000 in debt to every single American, including kids. In other words, the government has borrowed $30,000 from each of us and blown it all on Hummers and grenade launchers. It's like we're all married to Kevin Federline." --Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I'd buy you a drink, but you'd probably spill that, too. And make me clean it up (zero-gravity pillow fight)

"Barack Obama is not the only one on the hot seat right now. The CEO of BP is taking a lot of flak. His name is Tony Hayward. Today, President Obama had a meeting with Hayward at the White House. It got off to the wrong start. Hayward arrived in a Hummer limo powered by baby seals." –Craig Ferguson

"This is the first time that two women have been on the International Space Station at the same time. That can only mean one thing: zero-gravity pillow fight." –Craig Ferguson

"NASA says that there may be 100 times more water on the moon than they thought. There's so much water that BP is planning to go there and ruin it." –Craig Ferguson

"Head of BP Tony Hayward didn't take any questions after his White House meeting today. Probably a good thing. He's great at destroying ecosystems, but not so great at talking. Hayward has said: 'No one wants this thing over more than I do. I'd like my life back.' Tony, I'm so sorry you had your summer disrupted. I'd buy you a drink, but you'd probably spill that, too. And make me clean it up." –Craig Ferguson

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”