NHL: Colorado Avalanche vs Winnipeg Jets

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

I knew if we waited long enough, we'd eventually find some dirt on that guy (staring contest)

House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi raised over $15 million for Democrats in the first quarter of 2018. No word on how she raised the money, [shows photo of wide-eyed Pelosi] but I'm going to guess she won it in a staring contest. --Seth Meyers

"A woman claiming to be Hitler's maid said that he pretended to adhere to a healthy diet but actually had an insatiable sweet tooth. I knew if we waited long enough, we'd eventually find some dirt on that guy." –Seth Meyers

A new study found that one in four Americans said they would have sex with a robot at least once just to try it. Which might explain why your Roomba won't come out from under the couch. --Seth Meyers

 "The first presidential debate took place last night, and earlier in the week, Barack Obama said he would be at the debate whether John McCain showed up or not, marking the first time in history that a black man was more eager to go to Mississippi than a white one." -- Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

When the people lead, the leaders will follow (which is not true, I also drink)

November 2021

A new report shows that the fastest growing form of electronic vehicles is the E-bike, which is particularly popular in cities. At this point experts believe the only thing that could slow these bikes down are car doors. —Michael Che

Environmentalists are warning visitors to the Canary Islands that having sex on the sand dunes is causing them to erode faster. In addition, they’re also making them super clumpy. —Michael Che

An 83 year old man has become the oldest person ever to hike the Appalachian Trail. The man dedicated this walk to his wife, who died a few miles back. —Michael Che

Senator Josh Hawley said in a speech after years of being told their manhood is a problem, men are turning to pornography and video games, which is not true. I also drink. —Michael Che

A judge rules that Texas governor Greg Abbott’s executive order, banning mask mandates in school violated the Americans with Disabilities Act. Because in Texas, you have to treat the disabled with care and respect, until the day you execute them. —Michael Che

It was announced that New York City Santacon which was canceled last year, will return this December. So the answer is nothing. The pandemic taught us nothing. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I’ll take one in my arm and another for my approval rating (I reckon he knows someone)

September 2021

“Well, guys, this afternoon President Biden received his Covid booster shot on camera, in front of reporters. When they offered Biden the booster, he said, ‘I’ll take one in my arm and another for my approval rating.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“This comes just a few days after both the F.D.A. and C.D.C. approved it. How did Biden get to the front of that line? I reckon he knows someone.” —James Corden

“The actual shot only took a second, and then Joe Biden spent 10 minutes haggling over which flavor lollipop he could have.” —James Corden

“The good news is, it should give President Biden the all-clear to join the Brooklyn Nets for the start of the N.B.A. season, so you’ve got that to look forward to.” —James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Spoiler alert: They don't have any (I'm like, it's Britain. Who the heck does?)

November 2012

"Rupert Murdoch is the guy whose tabloids hacked into people's phones in England. He's back in hot water today. The British parliamentary commission delivered its findings. The report assessed the standards and ethics of the British tabloids. Spoiler alert: They don't have any." –Craig Ferguson

"The investigation concluded that Britain's current press watchdog has no teeth. I'm like, it's Britain. Who the heck does?" –Craig Ferguson

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

voting starts at conception (You gonna eat that)

October 2012

"While he was at a diner this week in Ohio, a man told Joe Biden that he's a good guy but a bad vice president. Which gets even worse when you hear that was the only thing President Obama said the entire lunch." –Jimmy Fallon

"Michelle Obama is with us tonight. She'll encourage us to vote early. Most Republicans are opposed, because they believe that voting starts at conception." –Jimmy Kimmel

"I'm looking forward to interviewing the first lady. I sat next to her when I hosted the White House Correspondents Dinner. But it's hard to have a conversation with Newt Gingrich yelling 'You gonna eat that' over and over again in my ear." –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I wish I could have a medical procedure down here (the leaders will follow)

May 2021

“Well, here in New York City, it was just announced that some subway stations are offering Covid vaccines. Because I can’t think of a better place to experience the side effects of the vaccine than the bathroom of the Times Square Olive Garden.” —James Corden

“Mayor De Blasio announced a list of incentives to get people vaccinated, including free food, free tickets to events and the opportunity for one lucky vaccinee to be starting quarterback for the New York Jets this season.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Because if there’s one thing everybody thinks in the subway, it’s, ‘I wish I could have a medical procedure down here.’” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”