If immorality is sweeping the land, you, my friend, are a Roomba (I guess when your fingers are covered in dippin’ sauce that happens)

“Donald Trump gets a lot wrong, but he outdid himself today. Today, he became the first president of the United States ever to misspell his own name. How could Trump misspell his own name when it’s on his buildings, his golf courses, his vodka, his water and all the casinos he bankrupted? It’s everywhere. Donald ‘Ttump’? I guess when your fingers are covered in dippin’ sauce that happens.” --Jimmy Kimmel, on the president misspelling his own name during a tweet (Trump spelled his last name Ttump)

"The United States' credit rating was downgraded to AA+. Am I the only one who thinks that doesn't sound so bad?" –Jimmy Kimmel

Meanwhile, Roy Moore, you know Roy Moore — the leather-vested loser in the race for Senate in Alabama? Still hasn’t conceded the election. Even though he lost. Not only has he not conceded, he released a YouTube video bemoaning the fact that immorality is sweeping the land. If immorality is sweeping the land, you, my friend, are a Roomba. –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

No one is going to stop you, there are no doors (Roomba-burglar incidents)

Police in Oregon recently responded to a potential burglary in

progress after a woman reported seeing shadows of someone in

her house. Police arrived only to find the suspect was actually a

Roomba that was trapped in her bathroom. Now listen, when you

legalize weed in your state you’re going to get a few Roomba-burglar

incidents, you know? It is quite an endorsement for Roomba. It’s

so quiet you don’t notice it until you think it’s robbing your house.

--James Corden

Housing prices are so high in the San Francisco Bay Area right now that a small one-story burned-out home is selling for — brace yourself — $800,000. It comes with two-and-a-half baths and two-and-a-half walls. The house is loaded with fun features like a fire pit out back, a fire pit in the kitchen, a fire pit in the living room, and all the bedrooms got fire pits. Why not save $800,000 and just move in now? No one is going to stop you, there are no doors. --James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

And we can’t even show you what they did over at Hooters (What’s he going to do next, take away Tiny Tim’s crutches?)

Well, congratulations to everyone who had Rex Tillerson in their office pool. President Trump has fired Rex Tillerson, his secretary of state, which I think means the only remaining White House staffers are Mike Pence and a Roomba. --Seth Meyers

In honor of International Women’s Day, McDonald’s is flipping its golden arches to resemble a W instead of an M. And we can’t even show you what they did over at Hooters. --Seth Meyers

“We should be providing those people with immediate and direct help. Instead, the Trump administration is still moving forward with a truly sadistic plan to kick 700,000 people off food stamps right as a global pandemic tanks the world economy. Trump is like a villain from a Charles Dickens novel. What’s he going to do next, take away Tiny Tim’s crutches?” —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I knew if we waited long enough, we'd eventually find some dirt on that guy (staring contest)

House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi raised over $15 million for Democrats in the first quarter of 2018. No word on how she raised the money, [shows photo of wide-eyed Pelosi] but I'm going to guess she won it in a staring contest. --Seth Meyers

"A woman claiming to be Hitler's maid said that he pretended to adhere to a healthy diet but actually had an insatiable sweet tooth. I knew if we waited long enough, we'd eventually find some dirt on that guy." –Seth Meyers

A new study found that one in four Americans said they would have sex with a robot at least once just to try it. Which might explain why your Roomba won't come out from under the couch. --Seth Meyers

 "The first presidential debate took place last night, and earlier in the week, Barack Obama said he would be at the debate whether John McCain showed up or not, marking the first time in history that a black man was more eager to go to Mississippi than a white one." -- Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”