In a new book, John Bolton claims that last August, President Trump told him directly that he was holding up aid to Ukraine until they investigate the Bidens. Hey guys, what’s up with the books? When there’s an emergency, just tell us right away. If you’re friends about to get murdered, you don’t go off and write a novel called, “The Killer Behind You.” —Colin Jost
Harvey Weinstein showed up to a court appearance with a walker. And then like Willy Wonka, he dropped the walker, did a somersault and ejaculated into a plant. —Colin Jost
Krispy Kreme doughnuts is opening a flagship store in Times Square. Every time I walk through Times Square, I step in something that can best be described as Krispy Kreme. —Colin Jost
Trump’s other attorney was Clinton impeachment prosecutor Ken Starr, who lamented that presidential impeachment has become a weapon to be welded against on’e political opponent. Which is a quote so hypocritical, even a guy like Ken Starr has to be ashamed to make it. Maybe that’s why he showed up at the trial looking like a priest walking into a porno theater. —Colin Jost
“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic.
A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
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