It's a fun thing to say when someone hands you a baby (And get this... tickets are still available!)

A man in Canada has built a model of the Millennium Falcon that can clear snow off his driveway. Apparently it makes a nice, clear path to his door that no woman will ever enter. –Conan O’Brien

This week, Mike Huckabee, Martin O’Malley, Rand Paul, and Rick Santorum have all decided to drop out of the race. Which explains Jeb Bush’s new campaign slogan, "I can’t take a hint." –Conan O’Brien

Sarah Palin accused Ted Cruz of lying about Ben Carson and stealing the Iowa caucus. This is my favorite thing in politics, when people lie and cheat to get the evangelical Christian vote. –Conan O’Brien

The preserved forearm of a 16th century saint is on a tour across Canada. And get this... tickets are still available! --Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

so that means six more weeks of racism

Last night Martin O'Malley looked like the kid forced to choose between his parents at a divorce hearing. –Jimmy Kimmel

Today is Martin Luther King Day. And Donald Trump saw his shadow this morning so that means six more weeks of racism. –Seth Meyers

Executives from Chipotle have announced their restaurants will be giving away twice their usual amount of free food as part of a promotion to restore the company’s image following its ecoli outbreak. Although I’m not sure it was a good idea to call the promotion, “Free-Coli." –Seth Meyers

That number dropped to 2 percent when the pollster asked, "Really?"

Not that anyone seemed to notice, but there was a Democratic debate on Saturday night. It was Hillary Clinton, Bernie Sanders, and Martin O'Malley, who is either a presidential candidate or an Irish pub where they all went to drink afterwards, I'm not sure. –Jimmy Kimmel

Donald Trump is out in front of the pack again. According to a new Reuters poll he's in first place among likely Republican voters with 42 percent. Ben Carson is in second with just under 25 percent. Only 4 percent now say they would support Jeb Bush. That number dropped to 2 percent when the pollster asked, "Really?" –Jimmy Kimmel

I think Donald Trump will drop out once he finds out how much money the president actually makes. I think he pays his hair flap engineer more than $400,000 a year. –Jimmy Kimmel

Understand?

Tomorrow night is the second Democratic debate! It's the perfect way to spend a Saturday night if you're single. And it's raining. And every movie theater is closed. And you only get one channel. –Jimmy Fallon

This time, the debate will feature just three candidates: Hillary Clinton, Bernie Sanders, and Martin O'Malley. Or as viewers call them, “Hillary Clinton, Bernie Sanders, and Bathroom Break.” –Jimmy Fallon

Bernie Sanders got an endorsement from the American Postal Workers Union. Well, Bernie Sanders' neighbor got the endorsement, but it was meant for Bernie. He’ll get it eventually. –Jimmy Fallon

he’s only tied with low-fat milk

Bud Light has created a new device that alerts you when the beer supply in your fridge is running low. The device is known as your roommate Chad. –Conan O’Brien

General Mills is recalling a number of Cheerios products because some boxes that were labeled gluten-free were not gluten-free. As a result, 1.8 million boxes of Cheerios and Honey Nut Cheerios are being removed from the shelves at stores. This sounds to me like the work of that evil dictator, Vladimir Gluten. –Jimmy Kimmel

Martin O’Malley, ex-governor of Maryland, is running for president. He’s at 2 percent in the polls. He’s been in the race eight months, and he’s only tied with low-fat milk. –Jimmy Fallon

Trump’s winery makes two different kinds of wine: white wine and not-white wine

Earlier this week Donald Trump gave an interview with CNN at a winery he owns in Virginia. It turns out Trump’s winery makes two different kinds of wine: white wine and not-white wine.—Jimmy Fallon

Over on the Democratic side, Martin O’Malley recently spoke about the need for Wall Street reform and said that he isn’t running for president to be quote, “wined and dined” by executives. Then Chris Christie said, “And I am also not running to be wined.” —Jimmy Fallon