So, who won the midterm elections? (Unicorn Academy)

President Trump defended his tariffs, saying that the poor economic numbers were Joe Biden's fault. Well, guess what I wasn't forced to do during Biden's economy. Buy myself just the horse from Unicorn Academy without the doll that goes with her. —Colin Jost

Uber is offering teenagers free rides to prom. So get ready, your driver Matt Gaetz will be arriving soon. —Colin Jost

A chihuahua named Pearl who is just over 3 inches tall has been declared the world’s smallest dog. Pearl is so small I couldn’t even see her in front of my lawnmower. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Sorry, the answer we're looking for was 'Jeffrey Epstein din't kill himself' (In an unrelated story, check out my amazing coat)

January 2023

The Dallas Zoo has been dealing with disappearance of several animals including a leopard, monkeys and a vulture. In an unrelated story, check out my amazing coat. —Colin Jost

A 23 year old chihuahua in Ohio named Spike has been officially named the world’s oldest living dog. The secret to Spike’s long life, a lot of chihuahuas look the same. —Colin Jost

Chipotle has announced plans to prepare for its busiest time of the year, which they are calling Burrito Season, and toilets are calling The Apocalypse. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

And, just like that, we have a new spokesperson for Jell-O Pudding (At what point do we politely ask Canada to govern us?)

There were new allegations against the nominee for the Supreme Court, Brett Kavanaugh, aka "The 40-Year-Old Virgin," is facing another accusation from a woman who says she knew him when they were in high school. She alleges that he and his friends would target girls with alcohol and Quaaludes in order to take advantage of them sexually. And, just like that, we have a new spokesperson for Jell-O Pudding — we lose a Cosby and gain a Kavanaugh. --Jimmy Kimmel

"Today was day 10 of the government shutdown. At what point do we politely ask Canada to govern us?" –Jimmy Kimmel

Paris Hilton just bought an $8,000 Chihuahua. How does Paris Hilton still have $8,000? The dog weighs 12 ounces. I’ve eaten hot dogs that weigh more than 12 ounces. That’s not even officially a dog, that’s a hamster; she spent eight grand on a hamster. –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

George W. Bush Snake Oil (“flameproof” boxes)

Samsung is sending out thermally insulated “flameproof” boxes for people returning its exploding Galaxy Note 7 phones. Samsung says they’re being “extra cautious,” while UPS is saying, “Please use FedEx.” –Jimmy Fallon

Paris Hilton just bought an $8,000 Chihuahua. How does Paris Hilton still have $8,000? The dog weighs 12 ounces. I’ve eaten hot dogs that weigh more than 12 ounces. That’s not even officially a dog, that’s a hamster; she spent eight grand on a hamster. –Jimmy Kimmel

President Obama is winding down his time in office. He’s got less than 100 days left. But he’s keeping busy, still pushing his agenda, he’s working to fight climate change, he’s shortening sentences for drug offenders, every night he goes down to the basement to visit Merrick Garland, his nominee for the Supreme Court. –Jimmy Kimmel