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Monday, February 3, 2020

They're thinking about Ashton Kutcher (learn to speak Chinese)


"Trump says he wants to spend more time bullying obscure celebrities. That one-man juggernaut Mike Huckabee is not running. The Republicans are really scrambling for a guy to lose to Obama." –David Letterman

"Sen. John Kerry is in Pakistan, sending a strong message to the government and the people. The message is, 'We think this is important enough to send John Kerry.'" –David Letterman

"Al Qaeda is looking for someone to replace Osama bin Laden. They're thinking about Ashton Kutcher." –David Letterman

"They wanted someone less controversial than Charlie Sheen but the head of the International Monetary Fund was busy.” –David Letterman

"The United States has hit the debt ceiling. Do you know what that means? Neither do I. I do think it would be wise for all of us to learn to speak Chinese." –David Letterman

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 
A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”


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