Has anyone ever told you how your balance of teeth is pleasing to the eye? (Is this seat taken?)

According to a new study, the best-received smiles are those that have a pleasing balance of teeth, which is incidentally the worst-received compliment. “Has anyone ever told you how your balance of teeth is pleasing to the eye? Is this seat taken?” –Seth Meyers

A company in New York City has opened what some are calling a nonalcoholic cocktail bar that creates drinks using lemons and herbal ingredients instead of alcohol. And this is cool — they’re using empty chairs instead of customers. –Seth Meyers

"As you all know, President Bush was not at the Republican convention due to a disaster: his presidency." --Jay Leno

"Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson said that the proposed bailout plan will cost taxpayers $700 billion. To give you an idea how much money that is, I can't give you an idea of how much money that is." --Seth Meyers



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or as your dog calls it, PTSD Day (black tie, but white guests)

Last night, President Trump hosted the first fundraiser for his 2020 re-election campaign. The event was black tie, but white guests. –Seth Meyers

Today, President Trump met with the newly elected president of South Korea. “Do you speak English?” asked the president of South Korea. –Seth Meyers

This weekend is the July 4th holiday weekend, or as your dog calls it, PTSD Day. –Seth Meyers

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28 more years! (Chastweety Belts)

A woman gave birth to a baby on a recent Spirit Airlines flight. When the flight attendant said, “Is there a doctor on board?” the passengers said, “Of course not. This is Spirit Airlines.” –Jimmy Fallon

For the fourth time, a small town in Kentucky has elected a dog as its mayor. People were so excited; at the victory party, they kept chanting, “28 more years! 28 more years!” –Jimmy Fallon

"Now, today it was reported that the speech that Sarah Palin delivered at the convention was actually written by President Bush’s speech writer, which explains the title of the speech, 'I Like Trucks.'" --Conan O'Brien

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Why doesn't the media ever give credence to a single story based on unsubstantiated rumors? (Oh. Touche)

Trump accused Mika Brzezinski of getting plastic surgery, which is odd, because that’s the only thing covered by his healthcare plan. –Jimmy Fallon

Airbnb is planning to launch a luxury service for mansions. They say it’s perfect for people who want to have everything stolen from their mansion. –Jimmy Fallon

Why doesn't the media ever give credence to a single story based on unsubstantiated rumors? [on screen: Dick Cheney saying, before the beginning of the Iraq war, that there is 'no doubt' that Saddam Hussein has weapons of mass destruction]. Oh. Touche." --Stephen Colbert 

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Eric Clapton & Sheryl Crow - "White Room" (Live from Central Park)

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Muddy Waters hoochie coochie man Newport 1960

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Muddy Waters - Got My Mojo Workin' 1966

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Morrissey - Piccadilly Palare (Dallas, 1991)

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Jimmy Dore: George Clooney: "Most Men Are Jealous Of Me"

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Jimmy Dore Joins Lee Camp To Discuss Why They’re Both Attacked By The Media

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Humanist Report: Hawaii Unanimously Passes Bill Supporting Universal Basic Income

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Secular Talk: MSNBC Can't Stop Hiring Conservative Buffoons

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Secular Talk: Elizabeth Warren Says Obamacare Is Right Wing, Calls For Single Payer

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Secular Talk: President Man-Baby Mean Tweets About Pundit's 'Facelift'

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Jimmy Dore: MSNBC Host SHOCKS Panel: "Saudi Arabia Is Funding Terrorists!'

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Jimmy Dore: Republican Congressman Admits He Needs Obamacare

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Jimmy Dore: Here’s How Trumpcare Is Screwing You

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Sam Seder: Black Cop Accidentally Shot Like He Was 'An Ordinary Black Guy On the Street'

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Sam Seder: Koch Donor Network Funds Propaganda Like Breitbart, Films & Pretty Much Everything You Can Think Of

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Jimmy Dore: Rolling Stone Tells Democrats “Stop Focusing On Trump!"

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Sam Seder: Trump's Demented Tweets About Mika & Morning Joe

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Jimmy Dore: Ex-MSNBC Host: Democrats Are NOT The Solution To Trump!

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Jimmy Dore: Clinton’s Top Fundraisers Now Working For Trump

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Just look at his casinos. Oh wait, you can't, they're gone (Sean Connery malware)

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell announced that voting on the [healthcare] bill would be delayed until after the Fourth of July. It's a smart move. You don't want to strip people of healthcare until after the holiday that mixes booze and explosives. –Stephen Colbert

The New York Times said Donald Trump "faltered in his role as a 'closer.'" Yeah, usually, he's a great closer. Just look at his casinos. Oh wait, you can't, they're gone. –Stephen Colbert

If you haven't heard, there's been another global cyber-attack. This time, hackers unleashed a virus called GoldenEye, which you may remember as the name of Pierce Brosnan's first James Bond film. Which means it's a pretty good virus, but your dad still thinks Sean Connery's malware was better. –Stephen Colbert

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War Sheep (free flights to the guy sitting next to her)

A British man who previously set a record for making the world's largest Rubik's cube recently created what he believes is the world's largest fidget spinner. And then he went home and slept in the world's emptiest bed. –Seth Meyers

Spirit Airlines recently gave a family 21 years of free travel after a mother went into labor and gave birth mid-flight. Though they probably should have given those free flights to the guy sitting next to her. –Seth Meyers

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When interrogation methods do result in saving American lives (Wait, now it's gone)

A woman in South Carolina just gave birth to a 14.4-pound baby boy. The doctor was like, "Congratulations! It's a man!" –Jimmy Fallon

President Trump today met several Native American tribal leaders. They had a lot of questions for the president, such as, "How the hell did you manage to lose money running a casino?" –Seth Meyers

During a phone call with the Irish prime minister yesterday, President Trump reportedly told an Irish journalist in the Oval Office that she had "a nice smile on her face." Then he said, "Wait, now it's gone." –Seth Meyers

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Get out of jail free card (You won a beauty contest)

I saw yesterday Republican senators took coach buses to the White House to meet with Trump about healthcare. You could tell which senators actually read the bill, 'cuz they were the ones buckling their seatbelts. –Jimmy Fallon

The other day, a man in Minnesota got arrested, and handed the officer a Monopoly "Get out of jail free" card. Then when he got to prison, his cellmate handed him a card that said, "You won a beauty contest." –Jimmy Fallon

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I'm Not Buying Access (Splash Mountain Blues)

I saw that President Trump retweeted a 16-year-old who posted a photo calling CNN the "Fake News Network." When asked what it's like to have a child follow you on Twitter, the 16-year-old said, "Pretty cool!" –Jimmy Fallon 

Some parents are planning to boycott Disney World's Hall of Presidents now that it features Trump. Or as their kids put it, "Oh, no. Guess we'll just have to do Splash Mountain again." –Jimmy Fallon

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Young Turks: Ukraine Cyber Attack Spreads Globally

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Majority Report: In Britain, 'Neoliberalism Is In a State Of Total Collapse'

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Secular Talk: Phil Donahue On How The Establishment Gave Us Trump

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Jimmy Dore: CNN Senior Producer Admits “Russia Story All Bullsh*t"

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Young Turks: Paul Ryan: Not My Problem 22 Million Will CHOOSE To Lose Healthcare

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Young Turks: Mitch McConnell Admits Obamacare Won't Fail On Its Own

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Young Turks: Democratic Lobbyists Switching To Team Trump

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H.A. Goodman: PELOSI AND CLINTON ARE SELFISH LOSERS: Miami Herald Calls Hillary Clinton a Loser

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Jimmy Dore: Chuck Schumer Admits Bernie Was Right

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Jimmy Dore: CNN Files Another Fake Russia Story - Journalists Fired!

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The Beatles - Please Mr. Postman (Takes 3 & 9)

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The Beatles - For No One (Takes 1, 2 & 10)

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The Beatles - It Won't Be Long (Takes 7 & 10)

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