Why are we celebrating? I just spent 114 years in New Jersey

The oldest living American, a New Jersey woman, has just turned 114. At her birthday party she said, “Why are we celebrating? I just spent 114 years in New Jersey.” –Conan O’Brien

So far, President-elect Donald Trump’s cabinet is over 75% white men. It’s the first presidential cabinet in history to be sponsored by Dockers. –Conan O’Brien

Kanye West tweeted a photo of a Donald Trump-signed copy of Time Magazine’s Person of the Year issue. Trump signed it, “To my good friend, Ben Carson.” –Conan O’Brien

According to a new report, the cost of all the gifts listed in “The Twelve Days of Christmas” song is up $233 from last year. Man, that Lords a Leaping union is killing us. –Conan O’Brien