You wanna say that to my face?? (So I guess he really CAN perform miracles!)

A new study says that a lack of sleep can actually make you happier. When they heard that, new moms were like, "You wanna say that to my face??" –Jimmy Fallon

The big story right now is Pope Francis visiting the U.S., and I saw that yesterday, the Pope's plane couldn't land right away because he arrived earlier than planned. That's right, the Pope's flight was early. So I guess he really CAN perform miracles! –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

that's like a million dollar a day for the rest of Joe's life (Burp….Feed….Change….Pills)

The Bidens are reportedly considering a $30 million tell all book deal worth $30 million. Man that's like a million dollar a day for the rest of Joe's life. —Greg Gutfeld

The book will include details from Jill's diary. I think we might have a page from it. Burp….Feed….Change….Pills. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

which is also my nickname at the strip club (Just as he was about to reveal what he saw at those Diddy parties)

Harry, the miniature donkey who served as a model for donkey in the Shrek movies, has died at the age of 30. Just as he was about to reveal what he saw at those Diddy parties. —Michael Che

A new study finds that the country with the largest average bra size is Norway. But America still has the largest average bra size for men. —Michael Che

In New York City, police are searching for the serial mugger who makes victims negotiate what he'll steal and is being called the Haggler After Midnight, which is also my nickname at the strip club. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

So I guess he really CAN perform miracles! (It's a Wonderful Life)

The big story right now is Pope Francis visiting the U.S., and I saw that yesterday, the Pope's plane couldn't land right away because he arrived earlier than planned. That's right, the Pope's flight was early. So I guess he really CAN perform miracles! –Jimmy Fallon

"EA Sports released a new version of the video game 'NBA Jam' that features Obama, Biden, Bush, and Cheney. Bush and Cheney play the first half, then Obama and Biden try to come back from a 6 billion point deficit." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Otherwise we might have retaliated against the wrong country (There are no winners)

Layoff Donald Rumsfeld. In his 911 momentos, Donald Rumsfeld has a piece of the airplane that hit the Pentagon. Like you've never took anything from work. But he kept it for a good reason, to remind himself of who did this to us. Otherwise we might have retaliated against the wrong country. --Bill Maher

Stop over-regulating the porn industry. The Canadian government is seriously enforcing the law that says at least 35% of porn shown in Canada must be Canadian made. And you know it’s hard to make Canadian porn because every time they try and take their shirts off a hockey fight breaks out. --Bill Maher

Google stop calling disasters with a single survivor a miracle. When a hundred and three people die but one lives that's not a miracle. That's God blowing a no-hitter in the bottom of the ninth. --Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

a recent poll shows that most pot smokers couldn't care less (He has to believe in miracles)

January 2014

"The White House announced that President Obama will visit Pope Francis in the near future. Pope Francis thinks Obamacare can be a success. Sure, he's the Pope. He has to believe in miracles." –Jay Leno

"Health authorities say they're seeing a massive increase in antibiotic drug-resistant diseases and are predicting a worldwide epidemic of diseases we can no longer treat. That's great news, huh? We finally get healthcare and now we've got diseases you can't treat." –Jay Leno

"Health officials are now warning that pot smoking can cause apathy. In fact, a recent poll shows that most pot smokers couldn't care less." –Jay Leno

"Director Ken Burns revealed that his next documentary is about Franklin Roosevelt, and it's 14 hours long. You know it's bad when your movie is so long even Franklin Roosevelt would have stood up and walked out." –Jimmy Fallon

"Yeah, 14 hours about President Roosevelt. Which sounds like too much until you realize there's been over 30 hours of TV dedicated to Honey Boo Boo." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/12/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and_10.html

#1001Ways #RandomThoughts #poetry 

 

I mean, 148 years later this guy still can't get any security (three espresso shots & a vigorous slap)

July 2013

"Neural scientists at M.I.T. say they can plant false memories in your brain. No, that is not new. Politicians have been doing that for years. They're called campaign promises." –Jay Leno

"The head of the TSA said beginning later this year people can pay an $85 fee that will allow them to go through the airport line very quickly with minimal checking. Or as terrorists call that, money well spent." –Jay Leno

"The Lincoln Memorial was vandalized last night. Somebody snuck in the Lincoln Memorial and threw green paint all over Lincoln. How is that even possible? I mean, 148 years later this guy still can't get any security? Come on." –Jay Leno

"The Vatican announced that the late Pope John Paul II will become a saint after they approve a miracle where he cured a woman of severe brain injury, which is pretty impressive. Not as impressive, though, as the miracle of Anthony Weiner still being married, but that's impressive." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I think we just let this one go, right? (Disney spin-off)

May 2021

“Last night, the House voted 252 to 175 to form a commission that would investigate the Jan. 6 Capitol riots. But that’s right, that’s almost half of the House voted ‘no’. It’s like playing a game of Clue and half the players are like: ‘I think we just let this one go, right? With the pipe and the library — we’re good.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“Yeah, not only did 175 Republicans vote against the commission, they also want to make Jan. 6 ‘Bring your insane rioter to work day.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“The bill now heads to the Senate, where it needs support of 10 Republicans. Come on, there’s a better chance of 10 dentists supporting Mtn. Dew Cake-Smash.” —Jimmy Fallon

“We were all watching it live — we saw it happen. You can’t just wave your hand in front of our faces and tell us it didn’t happen like you’re starring in some new Disney+ spinoff called ‘[expletive] Jedi.’” —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”