There hasn't been so much security at The Gap since the time Lindsey Lohan showed up (Couldn’t get any douchier?)

March 2014

"Today President Obama went shopping at The Gap. There hasn't been so much security at The Gap since the time Lindsey Lohan showed up." –David Letterman

"Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez are back together. Finally, Obama makes good on a campaign promise." –David Letterman

"A right wing pastor is saying that the movie "Frozen" will turn kids gay. He also warned that the movie '300' will turn right wing pastors gay." –Conan O’Brien

"President Obama recently sent the Prime Minister of Canada two cases of White House-brewed beer after losing a bet. Obama bet him that Justin Bieber couldn’t get any douchier." –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/02/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Just tell me one thing – is it General Petraeus? (Groucho Marxism)

November 2012

"This weekend, it was announced that Justin Bieber and his girlfriend, Selena Gomez, have broken up. Bieber said, 'Just tell me one thing – is it General Petraeus?'" –Jimmy Fallon

"The James Bond movie 'Skyfall' came in No. 1 this weekend with $88 million. It's about a spy who fights terrorists and sleeps with a lot of women. Critics are calling it 'well-made,' while David Petraeus is calling it 'relatable.'" –Jimmy Fallon 

"Get this. After all the confusion at the polls in Florida last week, Governor Rick Scott said he will review ways to improve his state's voting procedures. It'll be the biggest thing Scott's done since he won that raffle to become governor." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Because nothing says leader of the free world like... (They called me a socialist too)

"Political experts are saying NBC should take 'Celebrity Apprentice' off the air because if Trump runs for president, he could use it as an unfair platform. Because nothing says 'leader of the free world' like someone who can't stop a fight between Meat Loaf and Gary Busey." –Conan O'Brien 

"A meeting between Justin Bieber and Israeli Prime Minister Netanyahu has been canceled. No word yet on how this will affect the meeting between Selena Gomez and Hezbollah." –Conan O'Brien 

"'Hustler' publisher Larry Flynt has written a book about the sex lives of American Presidents. The highlights are the chapter on Jefferson, the chapter on Garfield and the first 125 chapters on Clinton." –Conan O'Brien

"It's the 150th anniversary of the start of the Civil War. A new poll found that 23 percent of Americans sympathize with the Confederacy. They are described as 'not African-Americans.'" –Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 
A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I can't get any more naked, guys. I’ve shown you everything I got.

Donald Trump won every Republican state primary last night except for Ohio, which went to John Kasich. Trump didn't seem to mind, since, as he put it, “The word Ohio is full of zeros.” (It's 50 percent zeros!) –Jimmy Fallon

Marco Rubio pulled out of the race after losing the Florida primary to Trump by almost 20 points. But he still has a great story. I mean nothing symbolizes America more than the son of poor immigrants growing up to run for president and being crushed by a billionaire. –Jimmy Fallon

7-Eleven will hold its second annual “Bring Your Own Cup Day,” where it will give customers a discounted Slurpee as long as they bring in any container resembling a cup. In a related story, Home Depot just sold out of trash cans. –Jimmy Fallon

Selena Gomez just became the most-followed person on Instagram with almost 70 million followers. When reached for comment, Kim Kardashian said, “I can't get any more naked, guys. I’ve shown you everything I got.” –Jimmy Fallon