Donald Trump has screwed himself so badly that he’s going to have to write himself a check for $130,000 (a nuclear secret of your choosing)

August 2022

It’s great to be here. I’m Al Franken and I’m the only former U.S. senator to guest host Jimmy Kimmel Live. But tonight is not about politics, it’s about comedy and having fun. So who’s here from out of state to get an abortion? —Al Franken

We have some encouraging news coming out of Washington today. President Biden signed the Inflation Reduction Act which is a huge achievement. It is the single biggest investment in addressing climate change ever. While I’m here I really should talk about some of the other existential threats facing our nation. The enormous gaps in  wealth and income and other threats to our democracy. But I really think one of the most serious issues facing our country today is just how big a dick Ted Cruz is. —Al Franken

By taking classified documents to his home in Mar-a-Lago, former president Donald Trump has screwed himself so badly that he’s going to have to write himself a check for $130,000. —Al Franken

There has never been a better time to visit Palm Beach because for the rest of the summer Mar-a-Lago is running a special weekend getaway package that includes free breakfast, a room upgrade where available, and a nuclear secret of your choosing. —Al Franken

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

JOKES: they decided to impose more sanctions and also to split a tiramisu (patience my a**)

This is the president’s second weekend in a row at Mar-a-Lago, the resort he owns in Palm Beach, where he played golf and dined with the prime minister of Japan, Shinzo Abe. So on Saturday night they got the news that North Korea test-launched an intermediate-range missile. They decided to work that out over dinner, at a table in the middle of the Mar-a-Lago dining room surrounded by members of this club. Instead of getting and up going somewhere private they continued to eat while advisers rushed back and forth to the table handing them documents alongside the busboys handing them food. They used the flashlights on their cellphones to read these documents, like old men trying to see a menu. And in the end, they decided to impose more sanctions and also to split a tiramisu. –Jimmy Kimmel

You know, if you’re going to hold a classified meeting in a public place, you do it somewhere where there aren’t any people. Like a RadioShack, for instance. –Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

JOKES: which was unfortunately too many words to fit on his tombstone

A man ate 409 chicken wings to become champion of Philadelphia’s Wing Bowl over the weekend, which was unfortunately too many words to fit on his tombstone. –Seth Meyers

On Saturday, Trump faced his third weekend straight of nationwide protests, including at his Palm Beach resort, Mar-a-Lago, where he was staying. Will the protests get to Trump? Well, a longtime ally, Roger Stone, told Politico, “Donald used to come and go as he pleases, and now he can’t and he has protesters on top of that. Mar-a-Lago is like an oasis for him. But if he feels he can’t go there to unwind, I wonder if it will make him go crazy.” Make him go crazy? Has this been the sane version of Trump this whole time? –Seth Meyers

On Sunday, a deputy White House press secretary told CBS News, “Trump has some meetings and may play a few holes of golf.” Which isn’t a big deal. All presidents play golf. It’s a presidential sport. You wouldn’t want your president playing football.” Though, if Trump did, that would explain the concussion symptoms. –Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html