For example, Biden's lunch always comes with a toy (and then we'll talk about Kim Jong Un)

April 2013

"Because President Obama said California Attorney General Kamala Harris was attractive, people are calling his remark sexist. Now the President is overcompensating and trying to balance it out. Today he said Attorney General Eric Holder has a great ass." –Jay Leno

"Here's something I didn't know. When Vice President Biden and President Obama meet for lunch at the White House, the chef goes out of his way to personalize their meals. For example, Biden's lunch always comes with a toy." –Jay Leno

"There's this trend now of politicians cutting their salaries by 5 percent because of budget cuts – except for Vice President Joe Biden. He won't do it. Though in fairness, it'll take Biden at least a month to figure out what 5 percent of his salary is." –Jimmy Fallon

"Dennis Rodman is on the show tonight, fresh off his trip to North Korea and his appearance on 'Celebrity Apprentice.' I'm gonna ask him what it was like to spend time with a crazy power-hungry madman – and then we'll talk about Kim Jong Un." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

or else you'll have to spend a day with Mitt Romney (a mid-afternoon Hot Pocket with Joe Biden)

September 2011

"President Obama's re-election campaign is doing a contest where contributors can win a chance to have dinner with the president. Or, if you come in 2nd place, a mid-afternoon Hot Pocket with Joe Biden." –Conan O'Brien

"Mitt Romney's campaign is offering a chance to win a day with Romney. It's called, 'Vote for Mitt Romney or else you'll have to spend a day with Mitt Romney.'" –Conan O'Brien 

"A law signed by Arnold Schwarzenegger will soon release thousands of female prisoners. The man’s a genius. Soon thousands of women who haven’t been with a man for years will be free and thinking they owe Arnold a favor." –Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

testing new facial recognition technology (dishonest insane intolerable)

Listen to this -- the Secret Service is testing new facial recognition technology to enhance security at the White House. But it's having a little trouble correctly identifying people's faces. 

For example, it thought Rudy Giuliani was a pair of chattering teeth, and that's not the case. Next up, it thought Vice President Mike Pence was a Kohl's mannequin. 

Next, it thought Senator Lindsey Graham was Kenneth the Page from 30 Rock. Next up, it thought Commerce Secretary Wilbur Ross was a smiley old baseball mitt. 

And last, it thought Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin was...McLovin. --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

The most dangerous man to any government is... (it's just what his iPhone autocorrects to when he types "Hello")

A New Jersey farm has come out with a ham-flavored ice cream. So, if you like ham, and you like ice cream, you're still going to hate this. --Seth Meyers

President Trump tweeted today "There was no collusion. It is a hoax, and there is no obstruction of justice. That is a setup and trap." But it's not Trump's fault he tweeted that, it's just what his iPhone autocorrects to when he types "Hello." --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

No one is going to stop you, there are no doors (nobody wants to give it CPR)

Housing prices are so high in the San Francisco Bay Area right now that a small one-story burned-out home is selling for — brace yourself — $800,000. It comes with two-and-a-half baths and two-and-a-half walls. The house is loaded with fun features like a fire pit out back, a fire pit in the kitchen, a fire pit in the living room, and all the bedrooms got fire pits. Why not save $800,000 and just move in now? No one is going to stop you, there are no doors. --James Corden

Scientists have just added a new animal to the endangered species list. It's a green-haired Australian turtle that breathes through its genitals. It breathes through its genitals. The reason it's endangered is because in an emergency, nobody wants to give it CPR. --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.

The most dangerous man to any government is... (I dare you, Kim Jong Un!)

Today marks the 12th anniversary of the first tweet ever written. Not only that, but we're about six months away from the last tweet ever written [Picture of Trump tweet saying, "I dare you, Kim Jong Un!]. --Seth Meyers

South Korean President Moon today raised the possibility of three-way talks between North Korea, South Korea, and the U.S. Yeah, I'll bet he did. It's like when you and your psycho friends from high school said, "Hey, we're going to go light off bottle rockets," and your dad was like, "You know what, why don't I come with you?" --Seth Meyers

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

You guys excited about March Madness? (Wow, this place looks exactly like Earth)

You guys excited about March Madness? Not the basketball tournament — I'm talking about Trump's speech over the weekend. On Saturday, Trump spoke at a big campaign rally in Pennsylvania. At one point, he said that he really can't wait for 2020. While the rest of America was like, “Neither can we.” --Jimmy Fallon

Trump was in Moon Township, Pennsylvania. When he got to Moon Township, he was like, “Wow, this place looks exactly like Earth.” --Jimmy Fallon

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html