"Donald Trump is not running for president. It turns out he was born in Kenya." –David Letterman
"Today is the 84th anniversary of Charles Lindbergh's solo crossing of the Atlantic. It was the last time an American was warmly greeted in France. When he landed he told people he'd enjoyed the flight and had actually joined the Mile High Club." –David Letterman
"May 21st is supposed to be Judgment Day. We should send a robot Arnold Schwarzenegger back in time to fix things. Though I suspect if he could go back in time he might fix some other things." –Craig Ferguson
"The man that is predicting judgment day predicted the end of the world in 1994. He also predicted that Ashton Kutcher would never return to television." –Craig Ferguson
"Katie Couric had her last broadcast and we were very sad to see her go but now it's official. I have the nicest legs at CBS." –Craig Ferguson
“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic.
A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
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