For a while, I was their prime suspect (We've got to come up with a better story)

"President Bush had an awkward moment today. Did you hear about this? While President Bush was greeting crowds in Germany today, he grabbed a baby from its mother and the baby burst into tears. President Bush says he doesn't care how much the baby cries, he's keeping the blankey." --Conan O'Brien

"President Bush's Iraq trip was so top secret that before he left, he lied to his Cabinet members -- told them he was going to bed early so he could read. When the Secret Service heard this, they said, 'We've got to come up with a better story.'" --Conan O'Brien

A man in Portland stole a 2-foot python from a pet store by putting it in his pants. For a while, I was their prime suspect. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”