Oh no, we'll just mail them to you (a human version of bagpipes)

A new poll shows Donald Trump has 36 percent support among Republicans and Ted Cruz is in second place with 16 percent. Meanwhile, Jeb Bush is at 3. Not percent — people. –Jimmy Fallon

"Time magazine has named 'Ebola Fighters' the 2014 Person of the Year. The Ebola fighters said they were honored to be chosen and look forward to the ceremony. Then Time said, 'Oh no, we'll just mail them to you.'" –Jimmy Fallon

I saw that after his recent comments about Muslims, Donald Trump was fired as a global ambassador for Scotland. Which is ironic, ’cuz if there were ever a human version of bagpipes, it's Donald Trump. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

a human version of bagpipes (Pontoon Captain)

I saw that after his recent comments about Muslims, Donald Trump was fired as a global ambassador for Scotland. Which is ironic, ’cuz if there were ever a human version of bagpipes, it's Donald Trump. –Jimmy Fallon

Another season of “The Bachelor” is coming up! I heard that there are four women named Lauren. Everyone had a good laugh — even the eight contestants named Ashley. –Jimmy Fallon

"Facebook revealed that Ebola was the most popular Facebook topic in the U.S. this year, with the World Cup coming in sixth. So welcome to America, where even Ebola is more popular than soccer." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The most productive thing I have done all day (they could be cut off from a major supply of bagpipes and kilts)

"The official ballot is one line: 'Should Scotland be an independent country?' And that's it. Why is it that I have to go through 18 pages of terms and conditions to download iOS 8 while a whole country can secede from the United Kingdom by checking a box that says 'Yes'?" –Jimmy Kimmel

"The people of Scotland are voting on whether to declare independence from the United Kingdom. If Scotland votes for Independence, it could have major ramifications. Great Britain is concerned that if they lose Scotland, they could be cut off from a major supply of bagpipes and kilts." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Game of Thrones" had a good night. Won best drama, set the record for most Emmys won by a series ever, 38 Emmys. A bunch of the actors from "Game of Thrones" came to our party last night. I have to admit I got a little nervous. On "Game of Thrones," when they have a party, people have a tendency to die violently. –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

if they lose Scotland, they could be cut off from a major supply of bagpipes and kilts (Learn how you fool yourself)

"The official ballot is one line: 'Should Scotland be an independent country?' And that's it. Why is it that I have to go through 18 pages of terms and conditions to download iOS 8 while a whole country can secede from the United Kingdom by checking a box that says 'Yes'?" –Jimmy Kimmel

The Republican senators were very careful with Dr. Ford. In fact, they were too scared to even question her. They hired a surrogate, a female prosecutor from Arizona. No kidding. They brought her in to do it for them. The way they found this prosecutor is very interesting. Sen. Chuck Grassley, the chairman of the judiciary committee, didn't like the optics of 11 Republican men questioning one woman so one of his aides suggested, "Why don't you hire a female lawyer to ask the questions?" And Grassley was like, "There are female lawyers?" --Jimmy Kimmel

"The people of Scotland are voting on whether to declare independence from the United Kingdom. If Scotland votes for Independence, it could have major ramifications. Great Britain is concerned that if they lose Scotland, they could be cut off from a major supply of bagpipes and kilts." –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

This is the first mistake he's made all week (That chair is going to be so confused)

April 2014

"In mere minutes, President Clinton will be sitting in the same spot once occupied by both Honey Boo Boo and Toronto Mayor Rob Ford. That chair is going to be so confused." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Toronto's city council voted on whether to name a street after Nelson Mandela and whether to congratulate Canada's Olympic athletes. Both votes passed 40-1. Can you guess who that one vote against was? Rob Ford. He now says he got the buttons confused. Come on, Toronto, how could you not re-elect this guy? He's the best. And it's Wednesday. This is the first mistake he's made all week." –Jimmy Kimmel

"The White House finally met their enrollment goal for Obamacare. President Obama held a press conference and said this means that Obamacare is 'here to stay.' He added, 'because if you think getting INTO the program was hard, just try getting OUT.'" –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I would like to congratulate Lindsay Lohan on her recent promotion (Or as I call it, the best episode of Maury Povich EVER)

"After bin Laden was killed, the FBI updated its most wanted list. So on behalf of everyone here, I just would like to congratulate Lindsay Lohan on her recent promotion." –Jimmy Fallon

"Today Mitt Romney visited a firehouse here in New York City. Of course, he was disappointed when he learned that the firehouse is not where you get to fire people." –Jimmy Fallon

"Osama bin Laden was killed by Navy Seals yesterday. They did DNA testing to make sure it was Bin Laden. Or as I call it, the best episode of Maury Povich EVER." –Jimmy Fallon

It looks like Derek Jeter and Jeb Bush will be buying the Miami Marlins. That’s right, one guy who could’ve been president — and Jeb Bush. –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”