“Mike Pompeo has had trouble narrowing down when Suleimani’s imminent attack was going to happen. ‘We don’t know precisely when and we don’t know precisely where, but it was real,’ Pompeo told Fox News last week. ‘Hello, 911? Hello, I’m being robbed. I don’t know precisely when and I don’t know precisely where but I do have the address of a guy I want you to kill. This is real.’” —Stephen Colbert
“Trump, meanwhile, has peddled a line that he believed Suleimani posed an imminent threat to four unnamed embassies. He believes it would’ve been four embassies. Do we really want to live in a country where we bomb people because of what Donald Trump believes? We’re talking about a guy who believes windmills cause cancer. —Stephen Colbert
“On Sunday, the defense secretary, Mark Esper, admitted that he had not seen any evidence for Trump’s claim of a credible threat to four embassies, which demonstrates how the Trump administration is like a couple who doesn’t coordinate their lie before leaving a party.” —Stephen Colbert
“The big winner of the Oscars so far, with 11 nominations, was the movie Joker. It’s been a big year for mentally ill clowns already.” —Jimmy Kimmel
“On Sunday, the official White House Twitter posted a ‘first snow of the year’ picture, which is fine except there was no snow in Washington last night or yesterday, and in fact, it was 70 degrees according to the National Weather Service. Even their weather is a lie!” —Jimmy Kimmel
“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic.
A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
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