“Thursday marked the third day of Trump’s Senate impeachment trial, and so far we’ve heard a detailed description of perhaps the greatest abuse of power ever by a US president – and turns out, America is watching. The first day of the trial was viewed by 11 million people, which is not Super Bowl ratings, but it’s at least Puppy Bowl ratings. Though that’s not really fair to compare puppies to US senators – the puppies still have their balls.” —Stephen Colbert
“The president has 53 senators doing his bidding at his impeachment trial, but they’re not alone.Trump has appointed several Republican House members to his impeachment defense team this week. But one of Trump’s JV grovelers somehow got left off the team: Florida congressman and man unhinging his jaw to swallow all of Trump’s lies Matt Gaetz. Gaetz is a well-known Trump fan boy – his campaign homepage features affirmations such as ‘Trumpiest Congressman in Trump’s Washington’, ‘Trump’s Ultimate Defender’ and ‘Trump’s Best Buddy’. So why did Gaetz get excluded? Because he dared disagree with Trump a single time. After Trump’s drone strike on Iranian General Qassem Suleimani, Gaetz voted with several other Republican congressmen to limit Trump’s war powers – big mistake. If your lips leave Trump’s ass even for a second, just to put on some Chapstick, you’re dead to him.” —Stephen Colbert
“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic.
A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
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