He said it's the second best $800 he's ever spent (Yes. Look, one, two, three...)

"Former D.C. Mayor Marion Barry has once again tested positive for cocaine. D.C. police said they suspected he was using cocaine when they found out he was Marion Barry." –Conan O'Brien

"Latest rumor in the entertainment industry is that Sarah Palin may be getting her own TV show. Experts say it will be perfect for TV viewers who find Paula Abdul too coherent." --Conan O'Brien

"Despite his prostitution scandal several years ago, Eliot Spitzer is running for comptroller of New York. He's paying someone $800 a day to collect signatures to put him on the ballot. He said it's the second best $800 he's ever spent." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

It’s tater tots with a “dic” in front (I said 'a' crack)

August 2011

"The east coast is still cleaning up after the earthquake. Experts say this only happens once a century. It’s Larry King’s third." –Craig Ferguson

"Apparently there’s a crack in the Washington Monument. Calm down, Marion Barry, I said 'a crack.'" –Craig Ferguson

"Gadhafi's sons are getting arrested. A revolution is not the best time to be a dictator’s sons, or as they’re called in Libya, dictator tots. It’s tater tots with a “dic” in front." –Craig Ferguson

"No one knows where the low-budget Bond villain Moammar Gadhafi is. He swears he’ll die in his compound. He’s a guy, once he gets a bad idea he sticks with it. Look at this picture. “I’m going to wear the curtains." –Craig Ferguson

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

The disturbing part is it turns out Donald Trump has two bad comb-overs (Whose fears are unfounded?)

A New York man filed a complaint against a local restaurant because the owner has a nude painting of Donald Trump on the wall. The disturbing part is it turns out Donald Trump has two bad comb-overs. --Conan O’Brien 10/8/2004

I couldn't believe this. Marion Barry was elected overwhelmingly as a city councilman in Washington DC. After hearing this Marion Barry said, “Wait, aren't I the same guy who was caught smoking crack. I think I am the same guy that was caught smoking crack.” --Conan O’Brien 11/3/2004

President Bush announced today that he wanted to institute a test to ensure that high school students are reading at their grade level. Bush said the program is necessary because many students aren't reading at their grade level they're reading a presidential level. --Conan O’Brien 1/12/2005

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

the Joe Lieberman Insurance Company Preservation Act (You're NOT one of my donors!)

"In Washington, it looks like the Senate is almost done with the healthcare bill. Otherwise known as the Joe Lieberman Insurance Company Preservation Act." –Jay Leno

"I read that Washington, D.C. is gonna get a ton of snow this weekend. If it snows hard enough in D.C., the city shuts down and Congress can't get anything done — you know, sort of like when it's not snowing." –Jimmy Fallon

"Of course, the storm is the big story, it is unbelievable. It actually paralyzed Washington more than Joe Lieberman. In fact, there was so much white powder in D.C., people thought Marion Barry was mayor again." –Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

If we can't leave New Jersey, neither can you (Gulp!!)

"Former D.C. Mayor Marion Barry has once again tested positive for cocaine. D.C. police said they suspected he was using cocaine when they found out he was Marion Barry." --Conan O'Brien

"This week, New Jersey voted to temporarily suspend the death penalty. Lawmakers say it sends a strong message to death row inmates: If we can't leave New Jersey, neither can you." --Conan O'Brien

"Last Thursday, the president tried to counter the growing criticism of his Iraq policy by gathering together 13 former secretaries of defense and state, a regular who's who of who's blown up what. Also on the guest list, Robert McNamara, defense secretary during the Vietnam era. The White House invited him to ensure that at least someone in the room had fu*ked up more than they have." --Jon Stewart