You went onstage and did what at an awards show? (damned if you do, Ted Cruz if you don’t)

“Obviously, Chris Rock did not deserve to be slapped in the face for a joke. Will’s point of view is he was defending his wife, and that’s a tough position to be in because it’s damned if you do, Ted Cruz if you don’t.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“To me, there’s only one more step to make this right: the Comedy Central roast of Will Smith, hosted by Chris Rock.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“And by the way, no one did anything. A whole roomful of people, no one lifted a finger. Spider-Man was there, Aquaman was there, Catwoman, all sitting on their hands. No one helped Chris Rock. We will never stop talking about this. It was so shocking. The only thing I can really compare it to is when Mike Tyson bit Evander Holyfield’s ears. Even Kanye was like, ‘You went onstage and did what at an awards show?’” —Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That’s like looking both ways before you cross the street then getting hit by a drone (I think this guy might be dealing meth)

President Trump said that he had brought up the subject of Joe Biden’s son Hunter to Ukraine’s President, Volodymyr Zelensky.

“We spent years talking about Russia; it might be Ukraine that takes down Trump. Who saw that coming? That’s like looking both ways before you cross the street then getting hit by a drone.” --Jimmy Fallon

“Maybe even crazier is the fact that Trump did this on July 25th, the day after the Mueller testimony. So a day after the conclusion of a major investigation into whether he got help in an election from a foreign leader, he gets on the phone and asks for help from another foreign leader. It’s like the only thing I can compare it to is when Mike Tyson bit Evander Holyfield’s ear and then bit Evander Holyfield’s other ear.” --Jimmy Kimmel

“The bottom line is it would appear the president used his office to ask a foreign country to dig up dirt on his opponent, and Democrats in Congress are thinking very seriously about threatening to maybe consider almost doing something about it.” --Jimmy Kimmel

“Today Nancy Pelosi said, ‘Another five or 600 violations and we might think about impeachment.’” --Jimmy Fallon

“While addressing the whistle-blower complaint about Ukraine, Nancy Pelosi accused President Trump of endangering national security. Yeah, Nancy, where you been? You’re like, my mom’s friend who is watching Season 4 of ‘Breaking Bad’ and says, ‘I think this guy might be dealing meth.’” --Seth Meyers

“I know they say that history repeats itself, but usually it’s after a few generations, not, like, two years later with the exact same person.” --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

there's literally 65 guys on one stage (That looks fake)

"That's right, Mitt Romney took on Evander Holyfield in a boxing match for charity, and it was a pretty one-sided fight. But it was still not the worst boxing match we've seen this month. This weekend Vladimir Putin played in an exhibition hockey game with some former NHL players and scored eight goals. Even Evander Holyfield and Mitt Romney said, 'That looks fake.'" –Jimmy Fallon



"Lindsey Graham is now the seventh Republican running for president. If you're keeping score, that's basically one Republican candidate for every two Republican voters." –Conan O'Brien



"I can't wait for the Republican debates to start and there's literally 65 guys on one stage." –Conan O'Brien
 

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Romney chewed off his other ear

"George W. Bush gave a commencement speech at Southern Methodist University this weekend. It was pretty inspirational. He said, 'As I like to tell the 'C' students, you too can be president.' Even George W. Bush has George W. Bush comedy material in his act." –Jimmy Fallon



"During a charity boxing match on Friday, Mitt Romney lasted two rounds against Evander Holyfield and raised a million dollars. It was just like Holyfield's fight with Mike Tyson, except Romney chewed off his other ear talking about his 18 grandchildren." –Jimmy Fallon



Mitt, I think you should run.

"Tomorrow, Mitt Romney will have a boxing match with Evander Holyfield for charity. And I suspect that's what Romney will be yelling the whole time. 'For charity, Evander!'" –Seth Meyers



"Mitt Romney will box Evander Holyfield tomorrow. So finally, someone can honestly say 'Mitt, I think you should run.'" –Seth Meyers


I hope they save some of that money for funeral expenses

"Everybody was upset that Vladimir Putin was missing. He was in Switzerland with his girlfriend. She had a baby in Switzerland because in Russia childbirth is not covered by Putin-care." –David Letterman



"Mitt Romney, two-time Republican presidential candidate, is going to fight Evander Holyfield for charity. I hope they save some of that money for funeral expenses." –David Letterman



Hey, you know who came in today? The Pope.

"Pope Francis said that one of the things he misses most about ordinary life is the ability to go out and eat pizza without being recognized. I wouldn't worry. Nobody's going to believe the guy who works at the pizza place when he says, 'Hey, you know who came in today? The Pope.'" –Seth Meyers


"Mitt Romney announced he will fight former heavyweight champion Evander Holyfield in a charity boxing match. You can tell that Romney is serious about it. Today, his butler gave him a piggyback ride up the steps of the Philadelphia art museum." –Jimmy Fallon