Then she spent the afternoon shooting pandas from a helicopter (still light enough to fling at your husband's head)

"And Sarah Palin gave a speech today in Hong Kong. She was very tough on President Obama. She attacked President Obama on foreign soil. Well, I'm sure the people that went after the Dixie Chicks will be going after her right now." --Jay Leno

"Sarah Palin gave a speech to a conference of investors in Hong Kong yesterday morning. Then she spent the afternoon shooting pandas from a helicopter." --Jay Leno

"Governor Mark Sanford's wife is publishing a book about the affair. She says the book is big enough to tell her side of the story but still light enough to fling at your husband's head." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”  

They forgot to thank all the terrorists who made their artistic vision a reality (It only works once)

"But the big story of the night was, of course, the Dixie Chicks, who won five awards. At first, I thought the Chicks were a little rude in the acceptance speech. They forgot to thank all the terrorists who made their artistic vision a reality." --Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Report

"You all watch the Grammys last night? The Dixie Chicks won five Grammys. I don't want to say President Bush was upset, but today he tried to get the Supreme Court to overturn the ballot results. It only works once." --Jay Leno

"Over the weekend, Senator Barack Obama announced he's running for president. Obama gave a speech in front of thousands of people in Iowa. During the speech, Obama pointed out his family in the crowd, which was unnecessary since he was in Iowa." --Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Experts say it's proof that President Bush can come up with a bad idea at any level

"President Bush, of course, is responding to the crisis. He's on vacation. That's his plan. He'll show them President Bush is on vacation in Texas right now. This is true. He's urging his staff to join the 100-degree club by running three miles in 100-degree heat. Experts say it's proof that the president can come up with a bad idea at any level." --Conan O'Brien

"Apparently the Dixie Chicks had to cancel 14 shows on their tour, because of slow ticket sales. There's some concern they're losing their fan base. How ironic is that? They finally have something in common with President Bush."  --Jay Leno

"A lot of people think Joe Lieberman lost because of the kiss that President Bush gave him at the State of the Union address. So let that be a little lesson for all the Democratic Senators out there. You wanna keep your job, don't make out with President Bush in public." --Jay Leno 

Monsters of Terror '06 (Opening Act: Dixie Chicks)

"I don't believe in spilling secrets, but since we've already revealed the existence of these 14 prisoners, let's make it worth our while. Locking them at Gitmo will only make Americans feel safe [on screen: Except American Muslims]. It's much better for Americans to be scared. I say we let our citizens get a good look at these terrorists up close and personal. That's why I propose a pre-election personal appearance tour. Monsters of Terror '06 [on screen: Opening Act: Dixie Chicks]." --Stephen Colbert

"By the way Osama, if you're free, Katherine Harris could really use you at an upcoming campaign dinner [on screen: To Scare Voters More Than She Does]." --Stephen Colbert

"The president continued to butter up the audience [on screen: Bush saying, 'The attacks were meant to bring us to our knees and they did, but not in the way the terrorists intended']. There was obviously a time, during a previous administration, when I could have at this point made a really nice blow j-- joke. I don't think that's what he was going for." --Jon Stewart

I'm sorry I enriched uranium (whistling a Dixie Chicks tune)

"Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is trying to win over the American people. It's sort of a PR campaign. Earlier today, over at the U.N., he was signing baseballs that said, 'I'm sorry I enriched uranium.'" --David Letterman

"The president of Iran also spoke at the U.N., and you could tell he was trying to get under Bush's skin, too. Did you notice? When he walked to the podium, he was whistling a Dixie Chicks tune." --Jay Leno

"It was a quite day for President Bush in New York City. He spoke to the United Nations General Assembly and then he went to the New York public library. It was his sixth visit to the U.N., and his first visit ever to a library." --Jay Leno

"The president of Venezuela said maybe we need to move the U.N. out of the United States. Afterwards, a confused President Bush said, 'But then it would just be the ited States'." --Conan O'Brien

or as Bush calls him, 'The fourth Dixie Chick.'

"Bill O'Reilly is apparently on al Qaeda's death list. al Qaeda said they don't even think of him as an infidel. They just want to cut off his head, so he'll shut up." --Bill Maher

"The number one and number two best selling books on the Amazon list are attacks on President Bush. Both books call him incompetent and a liar. I tell you something, if President Bush read books, he'd be furious." --Jay Leno

"President Bush, the president of Iran and the president of Venezuela all spoke at the United Nations, and they all made a point of not listening to each other's speeches. Thank God for the U.N. Where would we be if world leaders didn't have a place where they could all get together and ignore one another?" --Jay Leno

"The president of Venezuela called President Bush the devil yesterday. His name is Hugo Chavez, or as Bush calls him, 'The fourth Dixie Chick.'" --Jay Leno

Hillary Clinton has had millions and millions of plastic surgery?

"The Dixie Chicks have a new movie and they want to advertise it but NBC says they won't show the ad because it's disparaging to President Bush. I've got news for NBC. So is your evening newscast, but you keep showing that." --Bill Maher

"NBC also cancelled a Halloween showing of 'Night of the Living Dead,' because they thought it would be disparaging to Cheney." --Bill Maher

"Bush is getting rid of the phrase, 'stay the course.' That was his phrase for the entire war. Maybe the phrase should have been, 'Find bin Laden.' Do you miss the old days when the phrase was, 'Stay under the desk'?" --David Letterman

"Insiders are now saying that Hillary Clinton has had millions and millions of plastic surgery. They say she's so good-looking that actually, earlier today, her husband hit on her." --David Letterman