Well, yesterday was a weird one for President Joe Biden. He went under anesthesia for a colonoscopy, and when he woke up, the house had passed the $2 Trillion social safety net bill, the Rittenhouse verdict was announced and a woman had technically been president for the first time ever. And while Biden was processing all of that, he was rushed off to pardon a turkey named Peanut Butter. I mean, come on. The guy just turned 79 today and half the country already thinks he’s senile. You can’t drop all that on him the second he comes out of the gas. —Colin Jost
Matt Gaetz said his office would be open to hiring Kyle Rittenhouse as a congressional intern because Gaetz has always loved teenagers who are willing to do terrible things. —Colin Jost
Steve Bannon, seen here ordering, “One new liver, please,” surrendered to the FBI on contempt of congress charges and said, “We’re taking down the Biden regime.” I hate to break it to you, Steve, but I think Biden’s got that covered all on his own. —Colin Jost
Arizona congressman Paul Gosar, seen here watching an interracial couple walk by, has officially been censured after posting a violent anime video that depicted him killing Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. But I don’t know, he’s a 60 year old man who makes his own anime. When he heard he was getting punished he was probably like, “Is it nipple clamps? I just hope an octopus doesn’t do anything to me.” —Colin Jost
A man surprised to his girlfriend by bringing her onstage to propose to her during an Adele concert. Then they sat down and listened to an hour of songs about divorce. —Colin Jost
This week, the U.S. experienced the longest partial lunar eclipse in nearly 600 years. Scientists say the eclipse began when yo momma got on the trampoline. —Colin Jost
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
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