I think Biden’s got that covered all on his own (when yo momma got on the trampoline)

November 2021

Well, yesterday was a weird one for President Joe Biden. He went under anesthesia for a colonoscopy, and when he woke up, the house had passed the $2 Trillion social safety net bill, the Rittenhouse verdict was announced and a woman had technically been president for the first time ever. And while Biden was processing all of that, he was rushed off to pardon a turkey named Peanut Butter. I mean, come on. The guy just turned 79 today and half the country already thinks he’s senile. You can’t drop all that on him the second he comes out of the gas. —Colin Jost

Matt Gaetz said his office would be open to hiring Kyle Rittenhouse as a congressional intern because Gaetz has always loved teenagers who are willing to do terrible things. —Colin Jost

Steve Bannon, seen here ordering, “One new liver, please,” surrendered to the FBI on contempt of congress charges and said, “We’re taking down the Biden regime.” I hate to break it to you, Steve, but I think Biden’s got that covered all on his own. —Colin Jost

Arizona congressman Paul Gosar, seen here watching an interracial couple walk by, has officially been censured after posting a violent anime video that depicted him killing Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. But I don’t know, he’s a 60 year old man who makes his own anime. When he heard he was getting punished he was probably like, “Is it nipple clamps? I just hope an octopus doesn’t do anything to me.” —Colin Jost

A man surprised to his girlfriend by bringing her onstage to propose to her during an Adele concert. Then they sat down and listened to an hour of songs about divorce. —Colin Jost

This week, the U.S. experienced the longest partial lunar eclipse in nearly 600 years. Scientists say the eclipse began when yo momma got on the trampoline. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I say this as someone who’s been to the dentist (or will it be the one who exists?)

November 2021

“Chris Christie has appeared on-air to promote his book Republican Rescue, casting himself as some sort of straight shooter when it comes to the 2020 election. Christie was one of the first prominent GOP figures to endorse Trump in 2016, and advised him on debate prep during the 2020 election. I guess at this point, any Republican who’s willing to say the election wasn’t stolen deserves a shred of credit, which tells you just how far the GOP has fallen. Why are we taking Chris Christie, of all people, seriously? He stood by this obviously monstrous man for years, and he still refuses to say whether he’d support Trump again in 2024. Asked by CNN’s Dana Bash if he would support the former president in 2024, Christie answered: ‘Let’s see what happens when he does, and let’s see who he is, and what he says, and how he conducts himself.’ Oh yes, let’s see which Donald Trump will show up. Will it be the well-spoken and serious statesman, or will it be the one who exists?” —Seth Meyers

“Representative Paul Gosar of Arizona, became the first lawmaker in more than a decade to be censured by the House this week for tweeting an anime video depicting him killing progressive Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. Seeing something like this from Paul Gosar is not surprising because over the years, Gosar has made a name for himself as possibly the most controversial person in all of Congress, which is actually impressive, when you think about it. Formerly a dentist, a profession he frequently invokes for no reason, Gosar ran for Congress as part of the Tea Party movement in 2010. And it turns out there was one part that Gosar did bring to Congress: teeth whitening. Except instead of whitening teeth, he’s trying to whiten America. Gosar, whose five siblings publicly opposed his run for office, has been known to associate with anti-Muslim and white nationalist hate groups. Someone this awful, they shouldn’t be running anything in government. And I don’t say this as a talkshow host. I say this as someone who’s been to the dentist.” —Trevor Noah

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I always write "committing a crime" on my calendar (Can you pass healthcare for everybody?)

Trump's Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh is pushing back on sexual assault allegations. According to The New York Times, his defense will include a high school calendar from 1982 that does not list the party where the alleged incident took place. But this should clear everything up, because I know when I plan to commit a crime, I always write "committing a crime" on my calendar. --James Corden

The midterm campaigns are heating up. Arizona Republican Congressman Paul Gosar is having some problems with his campaign after an ad aired featuring six people endorsing his opponent. And those six people are all Paul Gosar's brothers and sisters. And you thought YOUR Thanksgiving dinner was going to be awkward this year. "Can you pass the sweet potatoes?" "No. Can you pass healthcare for everybody?" --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”