How dare you say I'm a crackhead, I'm a blackout drunk (Outlaws)

November 2013

"Now that Americans have gotten a good long look at what's going on with the mayor of Toronto, at least our fat f**k isn't on crack. Have you seen this guy in Toronto on the news? You gotta love a guy whose excuse is, 'Yeah, I don't really remember smoking crack because I was in a drunken stupor. How dare you say I'm a crackhead, I'm a blackout drunk.'" –Bill Maher

"Is it possible that America may be coming to its senses a little? That may be the message from these elections we had on Tuesday because Chris Christie, the big winner, is from the not-nuthouse wing of the party – you know, he's an indoor Republican. And the two bats**t Tea Party people lost pretty bad. In Virginia, their candidate for governor, Ken Cuccinelli went down, which is ironic because he was trying to make oral sex illegal. I'm not making that up. He wanted to make abortion impossible, ban gay marriage, and reinstate the sodomy laws against oral and anal sex. Why? Because it's a Republicans' job to get government out of our lives." –Bill Maher

"Outlaw sodomy? Does this guy realize that for most people under 30, sodomy is the main form of birth control. What a platform. He wanted to outlaw blow jobs, and he lost single women in the state by 43 points. But listen to this, he won married women by 9. That's all I need to know about marriage." –Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Who does he think he is, Monsanto? (Congress doing math)

June 2013

"Obama decided we're going to arm the rebels in Syria. Yes! This is why I voted for Obama in the first place, so he could carry out McCain's bad ideas." –Bill Maher

"The great news about getting into another war in the Middle East is that the next one's free." –Bill Maher 

"It has been alleged that Syrian President Assad used chemicals weapons. Using harmful chemicals to hurt your own people – who does he think he is, Monsanto?" –Bill Maher

"Bill Clinton has been acting weird lately. I don't know why, but it started the day Michael Douglas said you can get cancer from cunnilingus." –Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You are just asking for it (unless there is proof of an underlying BJ)

"Scooter Libby was found guilty of perjury, obstruction, and making false statements -- or, as the White House calls it, a press conference." --Bill Maher

"The Republican base is furious. They are saying it is wrong to convict someone of perjury and obstruction of justice unless there is proof of an underlying blow job." --Bill Maher

"All the Republican papers are saying Bush must pardon Scooter Libby right way. I say that if Bush doesn't pardon him, at least he should give him a new nickname, because if you have 'Scooter' on the back of your prison jumpsuit, you are just asking for it." --Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

It's like Trump University But you die (pandering to the voters)

"San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom in hot water again for simulating oral sex with a reporter's microphone, or as they call that in San Francisco, pandering to the voters." -Jay Leno

"A presidential candidate in France said his plan for birth control would be to encourage people to masturbate. Which explains why no one wants to go into the voting booth after he's done." -Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

you wouldn't hit a guy with a what, where? (Permission from Mom)

"Interesting situation out of Florida. As you may recall, last month, a gentleman named Bob Allen was arrested for offering an undercover policeman $20 to allow him to perform oral sex on said officer in a public restroom. Why is this worth a mention? 

Well, it turns out Mr. Allen is a state Florida lawmaker who authored a bill that outlawed lewd and lascivious acts in public. And he's also the state co-chair of John McCain's campaign. Ugh yeah, it's not going well. 

We're bringing it up because of the just-released audio tape of Allen explaining how this happened to the police. Allen says the real reason he offered to felate said cop for $20 is as follows 

[on screen: Allen saying, 'This (undercover officer) is a pretty stocky black guy, and there's other black guys around in the park that -- you know I am about to be a statistic here']. 

He's not gay, he's afraid. His thinking is, 'Hey, you wouldn't hit a guy with a c--- in his mouth, would ya?'" --Jon Stewart

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulsecollectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

That's all I need to know about marriage

"Is it possible that America may be coming to its senses a little? That may be the message from these elections we had on Tuesday because Chris Christie, the big winner, is from the not-nuthouse wing of the party – you know, he's an indoor Republican. And the two bats**t Tea Party people lost pretty bad. In Virginia, their candidate for governor, Ken Cuccinelli went down, which is ironic because he was trying to make oral sex illegal. I'm not making that up. He wanted to make abortion impossible, ban gay marriage, and reinstate the sodomy laws against oral and anal sex. Why? Because it's a Republicans' job to get government out of our lives." –Bill Maher





"Outlaw sodomy? Does this guy realize that for most people under 30, sodomy is the main form of birth control. What a platform. He wanted to outlaw blow jobs, and he lost single women in the state by 43 points. But listen to this, he won married women by 9. That's all I need to know about marriage." –Bill Maher