Nobody puts Ivanka in a burqa! (America in two headlines)

October 2022

“The release of Confidence Man, the new Trump book by the New York Times reporter Maggie Haberman, well if you thought there wasn’t any more all to tell, you were incorrect. Among the details in the book, published on Tuesday: that five-year-old Donald Trump threw rocks at a baby named Dennis – basically the same thing he did to Mike Pence many years later.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Some more of the book’s highlights is that Trump thought gay people loved him, that during a flight with the Jeffrey Epstein associate Ghislaine Maxwell, he had his then 13-year-old son Eric fast-forward through all the dialogue in Bloodsport just to watch the fight scenes. Surprising part of that story is he let Eric on the plane.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“In the lead-up to an ultimately scrapped meeting with Taliban leadership at Camp David, Trump was concerned that his daughter Ivanka would have to wear a burqa. Inviting the people who helped Osama bin Laden, that’s one thing, but nobody puts Ivanka in a burqa!” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I guess when you’re the pope and have tech issues, that’s who they send. (Who is lobbying for them?)

October 2022

“Even if you’re someone who follows politics very closely, you’d be hard-pressed to name a single Republican policy idea, aside from cutting rich people’s taxes, or banning abortion, or passing a law that says it’s illegal to win an election if your name isn’t Donald Trump SENIOR.” —Seth Meyers

“The former president sat for three interviews for Maggie Haberman’s book Confidence Man, which Trump has already discredited as fake news. This is what he does. For almost every one of these tell-all books, he sits for an interview, then the book comes out, and then he calls the author a liar. And then the same author writes their next book about him, he sits for an interview again, and calls them a liar again. But he loves the attention so much he can’t resist doing the interviews. Among other things, the book contains a story about Trump’s abandoned plan to emerge from the hospital, having survived Covid, wearing a Superman T-shirt. Listen, the only thing Trump does faster than a speeding bullet is have sex. We know that from Stormy Daniels.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Haberman also reported on the Trump team’s uncooperativeness during the transition to the Biden administration. In their final days in office, Trump’s staff printed out pictures of Hunter Biden and stuffed them in the White House air-conditioning unit. Which was especially weird because that’s where Melania was hiding at the time.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“I heard that today at the Vatican, Pope Francis met with Apple CEO Tim Cook. I guess when you’re the pope and have tech issues, that’s who they send.” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's because you are here to help create a new one (Number 343)

September 2022

“Excerpts from a new book on the Trump presidency from the New York Times reporter Maggie Haberman are being leaked. According to Confidence Man, Trump was having dinner with Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer when he turned to their non-white staffers and said ‘why don’t you get the food?’ That is just awful, but to be fair, that’s what he says in every situation.” —Stephen Colbert

“Haberman also revealed that Trump nearly fired his daughter Ivanka and her husband, Jared Kushner, via tweet. That would be an awful way to find out they lost their jobs as … handbag blondeface? Haunted scarecrow? His and hers towel racks? I don’t know what they did. In the end, the ex-president did what he has done his whole life: he avoided his children. He never fired them, and as we all know, Jared went on to achieve Middle East peace.” —Stephen Colbert

“A new Forbes 400 list listed Elon Musk as the richest man in America, with a net worth of $251 Billion. The Tesla CEO beat out Jeff Bezos, who ceded his spot at No 1 in a show of solidarity with employees who aren’t allowed to go No 1 on the job. Trump is also back on the list, coming in at No 343, which hopefully will soon be his inmate number as well.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“There is a report in Maggie Haberman’s book that the former Trump chief of staff John Kelly convinced him not to fire Jared and Ivanka via tweet by waving a KFC drumstick in front of him and tossing it across the room. According to this book, everyone who worked at the White House, including his family, thought Trump was a dangerous, unpredictable child. And on behalf of all of us, I just want to say thank you to those brave men and women who kept that information to themselves and away from the American people who could have removed him from office.” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”