“Yeah, everyone has to wear a mask. The players on the New York Jets said, ‘That’s OK, we’re used to hiding our identity.’” — Conan O’Brien
“The real problem is you can’t make Americans do anything. We just won’t. We only exist because someone tried to make us pay extra for tea once.” —Jimmy Kimmel
“But after claiming he had total authority over the states, Trump is now allowing governors to decide when to end enforced quarantining. In three days he went from ‘I call the shots’ to ‘You do you.’” —Jimmy Kimmel
“Trump has unveiled a plan to reopen the country. Phase one: open the golf courses. Phase two: open hotels that rhyme with Hump. And number three: all restaurants that serve food in buckets or in the form of nuggets are good to go.” —Jimmy Kimmel
“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic.
A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

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