"The pastor who incorrectly predicted the Rapture said it was a very tough weekend. To make it worse, his friends keep calling him saying, "Hey, it's not the end of the world!" –Conan O'Brien
"The good news is, the apocalypse did not happen. The bad news is, we thought it would so we don't have much of a plan for the show." –Conan O'Brien
"Arnold Schwarzenegger might have to give Maria Shriver 100,000,000 dollars in a divorce settlement. When asked for a comment Arnold said, "But I have families to support." –Conan O'Brien
"The government has decided that no one is getting the $25 million award for capturing bin Laden. It's because no one wants to break the news to SEAL Team 6." –Conan O'Brien
"A new law in Utah makes it illegal for a person to publicly touch their own genitals. In other words, Utah is never getting a major league baseball team." –Conan O'Brien
“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic.
A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
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