because kids know a raisin house when they see one (Marlboro Reds in Florida)

The Bidens hosted neighborhood families for trick-or-treating. They didn’t get that many visitors, though, because kids know a raisin house when they see one. —Seth Meyers

For the holiday, Candystore.com released a list of the most popular candy in the country, including Sour Patch Kids in New York, Butterfinger in Massachusetts and Marlboro Reds in Florida. —Seth Meyers

The rock bands Lynyrd Skynyrd and ZZ Top announced their upcoming tours on Monday, and if you’re excited about this news, you’re due for a colonoscopy. —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

He's been upgraded from hated to unpopular (Well, I'm glad somebody's looking out for the little guy)

"And then, right after the president's speech, Sarah Palin, former governor of Alaska, said that we should not demonize the oil companies. Well, I'm glad somebody's looking out for the little guy." –David Letterman

"Now, the way I hear it the Iraqi army had some trouble with the insurgents and they just dropped their guns, took off their uniforms, and went home — just like the Miami Heat." –David Letterman

"Here's fascinating news. Dick Cheney, do you remember Dick Cheney? Dick 'Boom Boom' Cheney. His approval rating is up to 26%, up to 26%. Yeah, crazy, isn't it? He's been upgraded from hated to unpopular." --David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

control of his beard has been turned over to ZZ Top (banned words)

"More serious newspapers in Israel are now starting to question their government's actions in Lebanon. The critics say Israel leaders underestimated the strength of the enemy, didn't have a well thought-out military plan, and may have gotten them bogged down in a quagmire fighting a guerrilla war in foreign country. Well thank god our leaders would never let anything like that happen." --Jay Leno

"Cuban dictator Fidel Castro has checked into the hospital and control of the country has been turned over to his brother. He's turned over control of the country to his brother. In a related story control of his beard has been turned over to ZZ Top." --Conan O'Brien

"And the president of Iran has ordered his government to ban foreign words for cultural usage. They only want Iranian words. You can't use any foreign words. For example, pizza is not called pizza in Iran. It's called 'elastic loaf.' Other foreign words Iran is banning are 'peace,' 'negotiation,' and 'nuclear disarmament'." --Jay Leno