the man actually felt positive about the experience because he said the glass was half full (and honestly after a few beers, I would)

Apple has launched a new feature called Pay Later that lets users spread out payments for Apps over the course of six weeks. And this has also launched my new favorite insult, 'Your momma’s so poor she put Candy Crush on layaway'. —Colin Jost

Doctors in Nepal saved a man after he inserted a water glass into his rectum for sexual gratification and it got stuck. But I think the man actually felt positive about the experience because he said the glass was half full. —Colin Jost

A sperm donor in the Netherlands, who allegedly fathered more than 500 children is being sued for increasing the risk of ‘accidental incest’ among the kids. Accidental Incest is also the title of the worst American Pie sequel. —Colin Jost   

The New York City Fire Department rescued five children who got themselves lost in the Staten Island sewer system. While it’s hard to believe that a place that filthy and disgusting also has a sewer system. —Michael Che

Build-A-Bear has introduced a new RuPaul doll, and honestly after a few beers, I would. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

President Bush used to vacation for weeks at a time (nationwide donor shortages)

"President Obama had a 24-hour vacation on the Gulf Coast of Florida. Some Republicans are attacking him for not staying longer. They have a point. President Bush used to vacation for weeks at a time." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston have reached a custody agreement. Neither of them is allowed to say anything bad about the other parent or the other parent’s family in front of Tripp. So basically nobody is allowed to speak in front of Tripp." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Fertility clinics in England say they are facing a nationwide donor shortage and are looking for international sperm donors. Finally a job Levi Johnston is actually qualified for." –Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”