the man actually felt positive about the experience because he said the glass was half full (and honestly after a few beers, I would)

Apple has launched a new feature called Pay Later that lets users spread out payments for Apps over the course of six weeks. And this has also launched my new favorite insult, 'Your momma’s so poor she put Candy Crush on layaway'. —Colin Jost

Doctors in Nepal saved a man after he inserted a water glass into his rectum for sexual gratification and it got stuck. But I think the man actually felt positive about the experience because he said the glass was half full. —Colin Jost

A sperm donor in the Netherlands, who allegedly fathered more than 500 children is being sued for increasing the risk of ‘accidental incest’ among the kids. Accidental Incest is also the title of the worst American Pie sequel. —Colin Jost   

The New York City Fire Department rescued five children who got themselves lost in the Staten Island sewer system. While it’s hard to believe that a place that filthy and disgusting also has a sewer system. —Michael Che

Build-A-Bear has introduced a new RuPaul doll, and honestly after a few beers, I would. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”