When Washington gets its prostate checked, it tickles you! (He was two seconds away from pretending he doesn’t speak English)

"Rick Santorum won Alabama and Mississippi, and Mitt Romney won Hawaii and American Samoa. Here's a little mnemonic device to help you remember. Places you can get to in a Winnebago, go to Santorum. Places that require a jet or a yacht, go to Romney. Romney, of course, always does well with islands, that's where his money lives." –Jon Stewart

"You're not a Washington insider? You, the former Speaker of the House and Freddie Mac consulting millionaire, are the Washington insider. When Washington gets its prostate checked, it tickles you!" –Jon Stewart, on Newt Gingrich campaigning as a Washington outsider

“Alan Dershowitz, especially, marks an interesting case because of his stance against Bill Clinton during his impeachment in the 90s, though he’s not one to admit he was ever misguided; he recently said on Anderson Cooper’s CNN show of his stance then versus now, ‘I wasn’t wrong, I am just far more correct now than I was then.’ That is one of the most original lines I have ever heard in my life. And that’s a great line for a lawyer, but thank God this guy doesn’t work on a bomb squad. ’Don’t worry, we’re not going to die, we’re just going to be less alive.’” —Trevor Noah

I’m surprised the summit talks broke down in Vietnam. I thought Kim Jong Un and Trump had a good relationship. Even Trump said that he and Kim “Fell in Love.” I know that sounds weird but when you think about it, Kim Jong Un is totally Donald Trump's type. All of Trump’s best relationships are with people who are half his age and don’t speak English. --Trevor Noah

“At his press conference Trump played footage from Monday’s press conference but he refused to address what was achieved in February. It was a masterclass in dodging the question. He was two seconds away from pretending he doesn’t speak English.” —Trevor Noah

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Everyone that's read a history book (But it's a very hot ticket)

February 2014

"Welcome to 'The Tonight Show.' This is the first 'Tonight Show' broadcast from New York in over 40 years. I'm Jimmy Fallon and I'll be your host . . . for now." –Jimmy Fallon

"Of course, I wouldn't be here tonight if it weren't for the previous 'Tonight Show' hosts, so I want to say 'thank you' to Steve Allen, Jack Paar, Johnny Carson, Jay Leno, Conan O'Brien, and Jay Leno. Amazing lineage." –Jimmy Fallon

"I had a great childhood, but if you'd told me when I was a kid that after graduating high school, I'd get to be on 'Saturday Night Live' and eventually I'd be the host of 'The Tonight Show,' I'd have said, 'I graduated high school?'" –Jimmy Fallon

"I'm a proud, proud dad, and speaking of dads, I'm lucky to say my parents are here to see this, Jim and Gloria Fallon. Thank you for being here. I wish we could've gotten you better seats. But it's a very hot ticket." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/02/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The Donald J. Trump Victim Card (I know this because I write weather fan fiction)

“President Trump faced international criticism this weekend after he was seen playing golf instead of staying in the office to monitor the progress of Hurricane Dorian, though, honestly, would that be better? Making Trump monitor the hurricane would be like making your 4-year-old do the dishes. After about five minutes, you’d be like, ‘You know what, Tyler? Just go out and play.’” --Seth Meyers

“So I know people get mad when they see Trump playing golf when a hurricane is closing in, but after what we’ve heard, I think the less Trump is involved with this hurricane, the better it is. He doesn’t know how big it is, doesn’t know where it’s going and has bat**** ideas about how to stop it, so let him play his golf because if we don’t there’s a good chance Trump ends up nuking Alabama.” --Trevor Noah

“Trump had to be corrected by the National Weather Service! And I know we’re used to it by now, but it still amazes me how often the government has to tell you not to pay attention to the president.” --Trevor Noah

“[As Trump] O.K., I’m not wrong. Because at one point, I was right. Under certain scenarios, it could have hit Alabama. I know this because I write weather fan fiction.” --Stephen Colbert

“We’re like a week away from the Justice Department tweeting, ‘Contrary to the president’s tweet, the Joker is not a threat. He’s a character in a movie played by Joaquin Phoenix. There is no evacuation of Gotham underway, nor is Gotham a real place.’” --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”