Hall of Never-Will-Be-Presidents (God hasn't called her in weeks)

September 2011

"President Obama introduced his $447 billion jobs plan. A lot of economists say it could work — if we had $447 billion." –Jay Leno

"Michele Bachmann said she would do away with the Department of Education if elected president. In fact, if there's no Department of Education, it would make it easier for her to be elected." –Jay Leno

"Bachmann's campaign manager stepped down, her deputy campaign manager left, and God hasn't called her in weeks." –Jay Leno

"Did you see all the Republican candidates lined up at the Reagan Library the other night? Didn't they look like it was part of Disney's 'Hall of Never-Will-Be-Presidents.'" –Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Shhh — I think they forgot about us (Department of Lubrication)

The Trump administration says they want to combine the Department of Labor and the Department of Education. Trump said, "We're merging the Departments of Labor and Education to create... the Department of Lubrication." --Jimmy Fallon

During the G7 Summit, Trump tossed a Starburst to German leader Angela Merkel and said, “Here, Angela, don’t say I never gave you anything.” Then he realized it was a red one and dove across the table to get it back. --Jimmy Fallon

Starbucks just announced that they’re closing 150 stores due to low sales. Meanwhile, the Starbucks inside Barnes & Noble was like, “Shhh — I think they forgot about us.” --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Hey Girl, I hear you like Revolutions (billboards?)

President Trump today sent a letter to North Korean leader Kim Jong Un, canceling their upcoming meeting. So let me just get this straight, you sent a dictator a letter, but used Twitter to fire most of your staff? How did you break up with your wives — billboards? --Seth Meyers

In an interview on “Fox & Friends,” President Trump said that NFL players who kneel for the anthem “shouldn’t be playing.” “Um, actually no one should be,” said doctors. --Seth Meyers

The new season of “The Bachelorette” begins on Monday. Where the bachelorette must choose between 28 strains of HPV. --Seth Meyers

The Human Rights Campaign this weekend projected messages on the Department of Education headquarters asking Secretary Betsy DeVos how she sleeps at night. Said DeVos, “Same as everyone! Hold my breath till I pass out!” --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Our deepest apologizes. Well, apologizes accepted (secret room in Department of Education)

The Grammys were incredible — you want to talk about bold performances, CeeLo Green came to the Grammys dressed head-to-toe in gold. He looks like he escaped from a secret room in Trump Tower. –James Corden

Yesterday an official government tweet was posted for Black History Month, celebrating civil rights activist W.E.B. Du Bois. There were two problems with the tweet. One was Du Bois’ name was spelled wrong — and the other problem was the tweet was posted by the Department of Education. Now, I know Republicans don’t believe there should be a Department of Education but this seems like the wrong way to prove it. –James Corden

But it gets worse: They tweeted an apology for their mistake. It says, “Our deepest apologizes.” Well, apologizes accepted. –James Corden

I don’t know who at the Department of Education wrote this tweet, but whoever it is should have been held back a year. Or at least make them go back and repeat Black History Month. –James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

What's the difference between Lindsay Lohan and Rick Perry?

"Rick Perry debate performance? That was more than a brain fart. That was brain explosive diarrhea." –Daily Show correspondent John Oliver



"What's the difference between Lindsay Lohan and Rick Perry? It only takes Lindsay four and a half hours to finish a sentence." –Jay Leno



"Rick Perry also said the other night he wants to get rid of the Department of Education. Well, that's the problem with kids in America today. They're just too educated." –Jay Leno 



John Hulse painting