Trump treats his friends like garbage — as opposed to his wives, who go into the recycling bin

The New York Times believes Michael Cohen might flip because, according to long-time Trump associate Roger Stone, "Donald goes out of his way to treat Cohen like garbage." Yes, Trump treats his friends like garbage — as opposed to his wives, who go into the recycling bin. --Stephen Colbert

Now, the Times says what is "particularly hurtful to Mr. Cohen was the way Mr. Trump lavished approval on Corey Lewandowski in a way he never did for Mr. Cohen." Making it the first time anyone has ever said, "I wish I was more like Corey Lewandowski." --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

It's the closest Trump has ever gotten to a woman his own age (Jeb hid behind his mom's leg)

Donald Trump's former campaign manager, Corey Lewandowski, said today that whoever wrote Melania Trump's speech should be fired. "Fine, I'll pack up my desk," said Michelle Obama. –Seth Meyers

After the Bush family announced that they will not attend this week's Republican National Convention, Newt Gingrich this morning told interviewers that he believes the Bushes are behaving childishly. When reached for comment, Jeb hid behind his mom's leg. –Seth Meyers

A new poll has Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump virtually tied, with Clinton leading Trump 46 percent to 45 percent. It's the closest Trump has ever gotten to a woman his own age. –Seth Meyers

This was a little controversial (Sources say LeBron James...)

Donald Trump fired his campaign manager, Corey Lewandowski. Trump said Lewandowski was controversial, impulsive and short-tempered — and will make a great running mate. –Jimmy Fallon

This was a little controversial: Pope Francis recently said that the majority of modern Catholic marriages are worthless because couples don’t always mean it when they say they’ll love each other forever. And that’s the last time Pope Francis was ever asked to give a best man speech. –Jimmy Fallon

Sources say LeBron James might skip the Summer Olympics in Rio de Janeiro. You know Rio is in bad shape when you’d rather spend the summer in Cleveland. –Conan O’Brien

"President Bush on Tuesday reluctantly released portions of the classified report that stated the war in Iraq is adding to the terrorist threat throughout the world. Though suspiciously in some portions of the report, someone had crossed out Iraq and written in, 'Gay dudes'." --Amy Poehler of Saturday Night Live

So maybe Ben Carson was too qualified?

Donald Trump suggested this morning that his campaign manager Corey Lewandowski, who has been accused of harshly grabbing a reporter at a rally, could have just been keeping her from falling down. Sure. And Bill Cosby was just helping those ladies get a good night’s sleep. –Seth Meyers

An opening speaker at a campaign event for Hillary Clinton yesterday asked the attendees in the audience to welcome Clinton by chanting her campaign slogan with enthusiasm. And the crowd immediately started chanting, “It’s! My! Turn! It’s! My! Turn!” –Seth Meyers

A new study has found that people often zone out on purpose when the tasks they’re doing are not challenging enough. So maybe Ben Carson was too qualified? –Seth Meyers

Just ask any of his three wives

Trump's explanation for keeping Lewandowski on staff is that he's a loyal person. And Trump IS a loyal person. Just ask any of his three wives. –James Corden

All the candidates who promised to support the Republican nominee no matter who it was now say they might not. Back in September they all signed a pledge to support the eventual Republican nominee, but that was when no one thought the nominee would be Donald Trump.—Jimmy Kimmel

I feel like if you're naming your baby after a movie character, maybe you're not ready to have a baby. The good news is "Star Wars" fans are finally having sex. –Jimmy Kimmel

Cooper rhymes with...

Anderson Cooper told Donald Trump that he acts like a five-year-old. Trump then laughed really hard and said 'Well, Cooper rhymes with 'pooper.'" –Conan O’Brien

Donald Trump says that if he is president, he will punish women who have abortions, although he doesn’t yet know what that punishment would be. You know, aside from Donald Trump being the president. –Conan O’Brien

Trump's campaign manager Corey Lewandowski was recently arrested and charged with battery of a female reporter after he allegedly grabbed and twisted her arm, but Trump is dismissing the allegations and is standing by his campaign manager. I know what you are thinking — how is this the one time that Trump doesn't say, "You're fired." –James Corden