Have I shown you our psych ward? ($20,000 one-time late fee)

“Former Vice President Joe Biden apologized this weekend after misspeaking at an event and saying, quote, ‘Poor kids are just as bright and just as talented as white kids,’ adding, ‘Sorry, that came out gay.’” --Seth Meyers

“Man, Trump going back to El Paso when he owes the city half a million dollars is a bold move. They’re going to have to put the boot on Air Force One.” --Seth Meyers

“Trump owed El Paso an initial fee of about $470,000, but the city tacked on a $20,000 one-time late fee in June. And of course Donald Trump has incurred a late fee. That’s so him. I’m surprised his Oval Office desk isn’t covered in unreturned Blockbuster DVDs.” --Seth Meyers

“A local television station released video today showing President Trump bragging about the crowd size at his rallies while talking to medical staff treating victims of the El Paso shootings. Said one doctor, ‘That’s very interesting. Have I shown you our psych ward?’” --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Rude Dude Escapes In The Nude (Once Again, Foreigners Shower Trump)

A headline in The Metro reads, “Naked Man Crashes Car Then Leads Police On Bizzare Nude Foot Chase.” That was their headline. The real headline should have read, “Rude Dude Escapes In The Nude.” --James Corden

A CBS headline reads, “There Is Now Only One Blockbuster Left On The Planet.” The honest headline should have read, “You Haven’t Won Yet Netflix.” --James Corden

A headline from CNN reads, “A Man Bought 540 Dollars In Cookies So These Girl Scouts Can Escape The Cold.” The honest headline should have read, “Sure Buddy, That’s What They All Say.” --James Corden

A headline in The Times reads, “Foreign Leaders Shower The Trump Family With Over $140,000 Worth Of Gifts.” The honest headline should have read, “Once Again, Foreigners Shower Trump.” --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

But take it from Stormy Daniels... (Thank you, I wrote that joke)

The government shutdown continues, which means bathrooms at National Parks are not being cleaned. So, a man in Oregon decided to clean one himself, and then he sent a bill for $28 to Donald Trump. Yeah, that’ll show him. But take it from Stormy Daniels, if you want Trump to write you a check, you’re going to have to do something way grosser than clean a public bathroom. This guy has about a good a chance of getting that $28 as Blockbuster does of getting back my rented copy of “Rush Hour 2.” It’s not going to happen. --James Corden

In other news, a recent Singapore Airlines flight was halfway to London before the crew realized there was a stowaway. A bird had snuck onto the plane and was sitting in business class. The airline was okay with it because the bird’s a frequent flyer. Thank you, I wrote that joke. --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

They can't be expected to do everything (That's how badly they failed)

I'm heart broken, too. You cover the pain. It was always a longshot because the Republicans control only all three branches of government. Can't be expected to do everything. –Stephen Colbert

It is hard to overstate the level of failure here. The GOP crushed their car at 90 miles an hour into a cliff with a grin on their face. –Stephen Colbert

It's like if Batman vs. Superman took a Pontiac Aztec to Blockbuster Video to rent "The Lone Ranger" and watch it on laser disc. That's how badly they failed. –Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #FeeltheBern @justicedems @BrandNew535 #Bernie2020

A bottle of Jack Daniels in one hand and a cigarette in the other

"President Obama is facing criticism over an incident yesterday where he was holding a cup of coffee in his hand, and then used that same hand to salute a Marine. Though with all that's going on in the world, I'm surprised he didn't salute with a bottle of Jack Daniels in one hand and a cigarette in the other." –Jimmy Fallon

"The Secret Service is considering several new measures to keep people from trying to get into the White House. The first thing they're going to do to keep people out is put up a sign that says 'Blockbuster Video.'" –Conan O'Brien