Shhh! I’m trying to sleep (and even that is an understatement)

Donald Trump reportedly took in Michael Cohen’s testimony with his eyes shut, nearly without reaction, moving only occasionally to whisper or pass a note to his attorney. And I’m being told we have one of the notes. It read, “Shhh! I’m trying to sleep.” —Stephen Colbert

Michael Cohen also said it was Melania Trump’s idea to classify Trump’s “grab them by the pussy” comments on the infamous Access Hollywood tape as mere “locker room talk”. Well, that makes sense, because any time Trump tries to get near Melania, she lockher room. —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

When you’re a star, they let you do it! (Nothing fishy about that)

January 2021

“We’re off to a fresh start in 2021, with a raging pandemic and a president who’s trying to steal the election.” —Stephen Colbert

“Turns out 2020 is dropping some bonus tracks, as on Sunday the Washington Post released a recording of a phone call between the president and Georgia’s secretary of state Brad Raffensperger, who oversaw the state’s election, recount and recount of the recount. During the hour-long call, which took place on Saturday, Trump explicitly demanded Raffensperger ‘find’ 11,000 votes to overturn Biden’s victory in the state, invoked numerous conspiracy theories, and threatened criminal charges against Raffensperger if he did not assist the president in his attempt to nullify the election. Buckle up everybody, because this call is like if Watergate and the Ukraine scandal had a baby that they made on the Access Hollywood bus. When you’re a star, they let you do it!” —Stephen Colbert

“That’s all he wants. He just wants them to ‘find’ exactly how many votes he needs to win by one. Nothing fishy about that.” — Stephen Colbert

“It sounds like he’s trying to get someone to hook him up with a free refill of Dr Pepper, not a presidential election.” —James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the bat-signal is a picture of Cher (a combination of sandalwood, orange blossom, and the Green Bay Packers)

Sunday is the Super Bowl and this year for the first time ever did you know this the game will be shown in China. Officials say it's a chance for the people who make the jerseys to see where they end up. --Conan O’Brien 2/4/2005

According to Access Hollywood Paris Hilton has launched her own brand of perfume. The scent is a combination of sandalwood, orange blossom, and the Green Bay Packers. --Conan O’Brien 2/4/2005

Some film reviewers say the latest Batman movie hints that Batman might be gay. They may be right because in this version the bat-signal is a picture of Cher. --Conan O’Brien 6/16/2005

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Taylor Swift was like, “Hey! Stay in your lane, pal (Trump-ublican)

After that “Access Hollywood” tape came out, a number of prominent Republicans called for Trump to drop out. But now, because of the pressure from the “Trump-ublican” base, some of those who denounced him say they’re still planning to vote for him. They essentially un-unendorsed him so as not to anger those who might vote for them. –Jimmy Kimmel

This is putting a lot of Republicans running for re-election in a tough spot. If they support him, they lose a lot of moderates, but if they don’t, they lose the rest. It’s like they found themselves in a “Saw” movie just before Halloween. –Jimmy Kimmel

Donald Trump spoke at a campaign event in Florida today where he once again said Hillary Clinton should be locked up. Well, Donald, if it’s any consolation, it looks like the election is locked up. –Seth Meyers

Yesterday, LeBron James wrote an op-ed in which he endorsed Hillary Clinton. LeBron says he and Hillary are all about the same thing: taking forever to finally win something. –Jimmy Fallon

Lady Gaga told People magazine that her new album was influenced by the men in her life. Taylor Swift was like, “Hey! Stay in your lane, pal.” –Jimmy Fallon

Befuddled, Clueless, and in the dark (Poor Jeb Bush)

The Washington Post on Friday leaked the behind-the-scenes 2005 video of Donald Trump chatting with Billy Bush on the “Access Hollywood” bus. Trump was caught on tape telling Billy about the time he tried to have sex with “Entertainment Tonight” reporter Nancy O’Dell. He says he took her furniture shopping. By the way, I want some follow-up, I want to know if that happened, and if it did, what did he buy her? A sizable item? A hutch or a dinette set? Are we talking ottoman? –Jimmy Kimmel

So, of course, people were outraged. Trump apologized, Billy Bush got suspended from his job. Poor Jeb Bush. Billy Bush is his cousin; he has to be thinking, “Why in the hell didn’t he release this tape a year ago?” –Jimmy Kimmel