"The big news is that yesterday David Letterman announced that he is retiring from 'The Late Show' in 2015. I couldn't believe it. And neither could my parents. They said, 'Guess we'll have to start watching YOU now.'" –Jimmy Fallon
"George W. Bush will open an art exhibit at his presidential library that will feature portraits he painted of various world leaders. He was going to include a painting of bin Laden, but he couldn't find it." –Jimmy Fallon
"McDonald's announced that it has closed its three restaurants in Crimea because of the tension in the region. Then Putin said, 'Is good to hear. Even I don't have weapon as destructive as McRib.'" –Jimmy Fallon
"President Obama invited the U.S. Olympic team to the White House yesterday to congratulate them on their performance in Sochi. Of course it got awkward when Biden told the biathletes, 'I won't rest until all you guys can get married.'" –Jimmy Fallon
"House Budget Committee Chairman Paul Ryan just released his budget proposal for 2015. Of course, a lot of people are criticizing it. For example, during a speech yesterday President Obama referred to the budget as a 'stinkburger' and a 'meanwich.' Ryan called Obama immature, while Chris Christie called to see if he had any more of those stinkburgers or meanwiches." –Jimmy Fallon
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
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