The impeachment trial started this week. Am I crazy or was Adam Schiff on my television for 100 hours straight? Even when I turned the TV off there was still an outline of him burned into the screen. —Colin Jost
Democrats spent three days laying out in great detail on how President Trump has been the greatest abuser of power in American history. And the republicans laid out their defense, the shrug emoji. —Colin Jost
Mitch McConnell seen here calmly watching an orphanage burn, defended his plan for the trial saying, “The country is waiting to see if we can rise to the occasion.” I would say you are not rising to the occasion considering one senator fell asleep, Rand Paul was doing a crossword puzzle and some republican senators even brought fidget spinners to play with. I assume to symbolize how the founding fathers are spinning in their graves. —Colin Jost
“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic.
A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
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