Primaries are kind of like marriages. The first two or three don't really count. (naked coffins)

"Florida is the big one for the Republicans. In fact, Florida is the first state where Rudy Giuliani is seriously campaigning. See, for Giuliani, primaries are kind of like marriages. The first two or three don't really count." --Jay Leno

"Have you heard this report that Iran and Syria have been printing counterfeit $100 bills in order to ruin the U.S. economy? Hey, you're about four years too late, okay? You know, if the Iranians really want to ruin our economy, make TVs and cars. That's what the Japanese did." --Jay Leno

"There's another big story that happened last night. It was the Democratic debate in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. All the candidates were there. All the candidates were at the top of their game. None more so than Hillary Clinton. Here she is engaging with the other candidates, using all the powers of persuasion -- waving, smiling, and of course, using her heat vision. It took a little while to put Barack's suit out. Between  Hillary and Obama, there were some huge fireworks last night after they started playing a game called 'Reagan.' It's kind of fun. Each of the Democratic candidates accuses the other one of saying they like Ronald Reagan and then the other candidate plays back by breaking a bottle and trying to cut out your eyeball." --Stephen Colbert