“People are saying Donald Trump is going to run for governor of
New York. I don't know. It could just be a rumor. All I know is earlier today
Donald demanded to see his own birth certificate.” –David Letterman
"As of today, same-sex marriages are now legal in New
Jersey. And today New Jersey governor Chris Christie announced he would no
longer oppose gay marriage. He said, 'How can I oppose anything that brings
more cake into New Jersey?'" –Conan O'Brien
"The shutdown cost the economy $24 billion, and caused
China to lower our credit rating to A- – or as Chinese parents call it, an
F." –Stephen Colbert
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