The representative from Margaritaville

"There are reports that several members of Congress were actually drinking last night while they were debating the bill that could have avoided the government shutdown. Which explains that one part where they said, 'The floor recognizes the representative from Margaritaville!'" –Jimmy Fallon



"Even the NSA is out of business. And while they're closed, while the government is shut down, they are asking citizens to please spy on each other." –David Letterman



"The American government has shut down. Who do you think you are? You work for us. I don't recall giving you the day off." –Craig Ferguson